"I'm Afraid My Youth Athlete Will Fall Behind"

The general consensus amongst parents is that we want what is best for our kids. So, it’s no surprise that youth sports have become a circuit for developing athletes. If I have heard it once, I have heard it a million times from parents defending or justifying the choices they are making for their kids when it comes to sports, wrapped up in some version of the sentiment, “I just don’t want my kid(s) to fall behind.”

Fall behind of what? For what? Their peers? Impressing your friends? The odds of getting a scholarship? The chance to become a pro?

That notion is laced with pressure and expectation for your child at the ripe age of 6, 8, 10, or 12. No matter how you slice it, there is some outcome that is then expected of kids. Kids.

The hope for kids participating in organized sports is that they love the activity with their whole being. If they don’t, they can find an activity that does light them up. Their joy of playing should radiate out of their body. If it doesn’t, let them pivot.

The most important role of a parent of a developing athlete is to notice and observe their non-verbals. Not if they are in the most elite and selective league. Not if their stats are the best on the roster. But rather, what is their experience when they are playing? Are they having so much fun they forget to even pay attention to the stats?

If the kids are playing because they are trying to please their parents or feel pressure to perform, that will be evident in how they compete. And it will be clear in how they talk about their involvement. Their non-verbals will reflect that feeling through grimaces, rigidity, and flatness.

If they play from their heart and for the love of the game, that passion will shine through their buzzing body. The adrenaline will light their world on fire and they won’t be able to contain their amped spirit. Their smile will span their face, their eyes will have a special sparkle, and their words will be faster than you can keep up with.

Their passion is the difference maker. What if, instead of worrying as parents if our kids are going to fall behind on the technical skills of a particular sport, we instead were steadfast in our mission to ensure they loved the experience they have when being active? What if, when you asked them how practice or the activity was or how they felt about the game, rather than spouting the score, they were able to beam with pride and love for they had just connected with one of the most primal parts of themselves? The part that loves to be challenged, to try something new, to develop their own skills, to fail, and to get back up again.

At the end of the day, if we are making choices with the best of intentions for our kids, I speculate that at the very top of that list is that our kids feel confident and fulfilled. So at what point will we as parents get out of our kids' way and allow them to thrive? To flourish? To create a life that they are so madly and deeply in love with that they don’t need you hustling behind the scenes to arrange the private lessons, secure the friendship with the coach to ensure your kids' placement, or to fight for playing time?

This interferes with a parent's ability to be fully present and engaged in the process. Even if your kid's smile is beaming, it’s missed because you are so concerned about the next step or the next play or the better league. The stress is high and the experience becomes untethered. I hypothesize that if we can flip this script on its head, not only would our kids fall more deeply in love with sports, but we would also get to enjoy the ride by their side so much more fully. We'd leave space for deeper family connections and play. We would get to be the superfans that we are, because at the end of the day, nobody believes in your kid more than you and there are no more important tasks in child rearing than making your child know, to their bones, how deeply they are loved.