The Science of Charisma for Romance, Work, and Everyday Life

We all seem to know charisma when we see and feel it in others. Nevertheless, the exact features and behaviors that make someone charismatic are often difficult to identify or define. Fortunately, in the last handful of years, psychology has begun to more intensively explore this topic. The answers uncovered have made charisma less of a mystery—and can even help us become more charismatic ourselves, too.

Charisma in Everyday Life

After years of limited research on charisma, Tskhay, Zhu, Zou, and Rule (2018) decided to take a broader approach to the topic. They sought to identify the general components that make someone charismatic—not just in a formal leadership situation, but in informal settings and everyday life as well. To begin, they reviewed the existing literature, identified promising concepts and components, and developed a questionnaire to test them further (the General Charisma Inventory).

Results from the initial testing showed that charisma could indeed be observed and measured. Furthermore, it could also be broken down into two main behavioral components. Those components were defined as:

• Influence: This is the ability to guide others with leadership skills and strength of presence. Specifically, individuals with this charismatic feature have the ability to influence others, have a presence in a room, and know how to lead a group.
• Affability: This is the ability to make others feel comfortable and at ease with social skills and a pleasant demeanor. Individuals with this charismatic feature can get along with anyone, make them feel comfortable, and smile often.

Follow-up studies by Tskhay, Zhu, Zou, and Rule (2018) further evaluated these two dimensions of charisma, exploring their links to other personality characteristics and relationship outcomes. Those explorations connected charisma to more general dimensions of social behavior: competence and warmth. Specifically, individuals with charismatic influence seemed to be more competent social partners, whereas those with charismatic affability appeared to be more warm and caring as partners.

In addition, with the use of this framework, individuals were better able to evaluate their own level of charisma—as well as the charisma of close others and strangers. High-charisma individuals were also linked to traits such as openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, emotional intelligence, and political skill. Finally, charismatic individuals were rated as more persuasive and likable—independent of their overall level of physical attractiveness. Thus, anyone can learn to boost their charisma and see the benefits.

How to Be More Charismatic

Overall, the results above are pretty clear. To become more charismatic, it is important to learn the skills to be more influential and affable. Fortunately, those components relate to the general relationship dimensions of competence and warmth (also known as capacity and willingness), which are a focus of the skill-building tips in my book Attraction Psychology. Therefore, I will combine those ideas in some guidance below, to not only help you become more influential and affable in life, but more desirable and likable in love, too.

Becoming more influential is generally about having a good physical presence, along with the ability to influence and lead others. Those traits and skills also improve your capacity as a romantic partner and the passion that potential others feel toward you. For example, a charismatic presence can be created with body language, especially postures that are expansive, open, and take up space. Those poses and movements communicate both leadership potential and romantic potential as well.

Beyond body language, being influential is often about rewarding the behaviors you want to see in others. Simple gestures like paying attention to something that a conversation partner is proud of accomplishing or providing a moment of affection to a partner as a sign of gratitude, are also the keys to building rewarding relationships. Over time, this rewarding presence will gather friends and acquaintances around you, which will make you even more influential to others—and make you more desirable as a romantic partner, too.

Becoming more affable, in contrast, is often about smiling, making others feel comfortable, and getting along with them. Those traits and skills also make you a more likable and willing romantic partner. For example, smiling helps build trust and put others at ease. Furthermore, smiling is also an attraction signal that lets potential partners know you are interested in getting to know them.

Charisma Essential Reads

How Anyone Can Get More "Rizz"

The One Trait That Makes You More Charismatic

From there, making others feel comfortable and getting along with them is often about building rapport and communication skills. Thus, in addition to smiling, rapport can be built through body language, such as making eye contact (to show you are paying attention) and nodding in agreement. It can also be paired with the general mindset for rapport, which is to be genuine, empathetic, and warm toward your conversation partner. When combined with communication skills, like making positive statements, telling stories, and being enthusiastic, interaction partners will be more inclined to find you affable and charismatic—and more likable as a mate too!