How to Stop Our Triggers From Affecting Our Relationships

Triggers from past experiences can have a significant impact on our reactions within a relationship. When we have unresolved wounds or hurts from our past, they can act as emotional landmines that get activated when certain situations or behaviors remind us of those painful experiences. These triggers can cause us to react in ways that may not be rational or proportional to the current situation.

For example, let's say we've been cheated on in previous relationships. If our current partner mentions that they have also been cheated on, it may trigger feelings of anger, betrayal, or insecurity within us. These emotions are not necessarily a direct response to our partner's actions, but rather a result of our past experiences resurfacing.

Becoming more conscious of our emotional triggers is a powerful step towards personal growth and healthier relationships. Here are some steps we can take:

1. Notice the Trigger: The first step is to develop the ability to recognize when we have been triggered before we react. Pay attention to moments when you feel an emotional response to something. It could be a sudden surge of anger, defensiveness, or a desire to withdraw. By being aware of these triggers, we can start to understand their origins and their impact on our reactions. By recognizing when we are feeling emotionally activated, we can pause and take a moment to sit with those feelings. We can explore where we feel the response in our body and what sensations arise. This self-reflection allows us to gain insight into our triggers and understand why they are affecting us.
2. Pause and Feel: When you notice a trigger, take a moment to pause and sit with the feeling. Allow yourself to fully experience it without judgment. Explore where you feel the response in your body and what sensations arise. Is it a tightness in your throat, a knot in your stomach, or a racing heart? By deeply feeling the emotion, you create space for self-reflection and understanding.
3. Reflect and Inspect: Once you have identified the trigger and felt the emotion, it's time to reflect on it. Turn it over and examine it from different angles. Ask yourself questions like: Why did this trigger me? What past experiences or beliefs might be influencing my reaction? By inspecting the trigger, you can gain insights into the underlying causes and patterns.
4. Connect With Your Body: Our bodies often hold valuable information about our triggers. Pay attention to the physical sensations that accompany your emotional response. By becoming aware of how your body reacts, you can start to recognize patterns and understand the link between your emotions and physical sensations.
5. Seek Understanding: Explore the "whys" behind your triggers. Ask yourself questions like: Why do I react this way? Why does this hurt me so much? Why do I always go to that place? By understanding the underlying motivations and beliefs driving your reactions, you can begin to make conscious choices on how to respond instead of reacting automatically.
6. Talk About Them: Once we have this awareness, it's crucial to take responsibility for our reactions. Instead of projecting our emotions onto our partner or expecting them to fix it, we can acknowledge our triggers and communicate them honestly. By sharing our experiences and feelings, we create a safe space for open dialogue and understanding within the relationship.

Remember, this process takes time and patience. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate your emotional triggers. With practice and self-awareness, you can become more conscious of your triggers and develop healthier ways of responding to them, fostering personal growth and more fulfilling relationships.

Ultimately, addressing and working through our triggers from past experiences is essential for building a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It allows us to break free from reactive patterns and create space for growth, empathy, and love.