How Adolescence Increases the Need for Social Competition

Source: Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D.

Competition is the social interaction through which a young person contends to do better than she or he did before or to do better than others have done or are currently doing.

Competition is about working at self-bettering in two ways.

• There is bettering oneself for personal satisfaction: “I want to improve.” The desire is to increase capacity.
• There is bettering rivals for social dominance: “I want to win.” The desire is to outdo another or others.

Improving and outdoing are the twin performance goals of competition—striving for competence and dominance.

Attitude toward competition

By temperament and sometimes by training, young people vary in how eagerly competitive they are. For example, some seem born wanting to test their capacity against others: “She’s always loved the challenge winning takes.” Others have been family-trained: “As the youngest, he always tried to keep up with the oldest.” By nature or nurture, the desire to compete can be honorably come by.

Even in neither case, growing into adolescence, the world of opportunity becomes more socially competitive.

Adolescence is competitive

While childhood relationships were laid-back primarily for the fun of being together and the enjoyment of having friends, relationships also become increasingly competitive by adolescence. To socially keep up, fit in, belong, strengthen capacity, establish standing, act older, and make progress—these goals are all more at stake. While childhood was more socially supportive and provided security, adolescence becomes more socially striving to get ahead.

For example, in early elementary school, athletics was for play, and everyone got to participate in the game. By secondary school, however, involvement in sports becomes more competitive—you have to try out for the team, practice against teammates to get playing time, and test your capacity against the opposition.

Explaining the need to compete

Thus, parents explain how, come adolescence (separating from childhood and growing toward young adulthood), life becomes more competitive because what many want, not all can win. Offline, there are opportunities, interests, skills, academics, membership, popularity, and athletics that can all become more competitive. Online, there are computer games and social networking that can become increasingly challenging and contentious to play.

Some people love competition; others do not. Some use it to enjoy recreation; others prefer their recreation competition-free. However, with the onset of adolescence, one must increasingly compete for worldly wants, whether for pleasure or advancement, to get attention or gain an advantage. In addition, spectating competition thrives when we identify with the fortunes of our high school, college, national, or professional team: “We won!” “We lost!” Our feelings are affected. Competition inspires caring.

Complexity of competition

In the psychology of competition, a great variety of dynamics are involved. Consider the following 10:

• Competition is cooperative: parties agree to play for the same goal and by the same rules.
• Competition creates conflict: each party strives to overcome the other’s opposition.
• Competition is comparative: each party measures itself against the other.
• Competition creates similarity: playing causes rivals to act more alike.
• Competition is challenging: contending tests both will and skill.
• Competition takes practice: training improves performance.
• Competition breeds rivalry: adversaries want to play again.
• Competition can take teamwork: collective effort is required.
• Competition is risky: one can experience unwanted loss and defeat.

Having so many purposes and effects, competition is complex to play.

Cheating: winning at all costs

Because winning can feel so urgent and good, and losing can feel so upsetting and bad, it can be tempting to break the rules to seek advantage, like cheating on a school test to better others, for example. The temptation to cheat in competition arises when it seems like an easier or only way to do well or well enough.

However, in addition to the risk of being punished or penalized for breaking rules if you are caught, cheating can be personally costly in a number of ways:

• Cheating is losing in disguise because it goes to show yourself how well you really can’t do with an honest effort.
• Cheating bypasses learning that may cost you later by creating a false impression of how much you know.
• Cheating betrays your relationship with friends and peers who are doing their honest best to get ahead.
• Cheating breeds loneliness through concealment lest you be found out and suffer the costs of discovery.

Sport and Competition Essential Reads

Can You Train Your Brain to Imagine Better?

The Paradox of Success

In these ways, cheating is usually a bad bargain.

Why encourage competition?

To the shy or reluctant teenager who explains how they don’t like to compete for the effort that must be made, for the self-consciousness of exposure that is created, or from the fear of not doing well enough, parents might explain this.

“When you compete, you can’t lose because you have succeeded in trying. You have tested your capacity by engaging with the challenge of oppositional play. This affirmative action supports self-esteem because not only do you care about achieving a winning outcome, but you believe you are worth striving for. As for sometimes making a losing attempt; that is not a problem. This is to be expected. No one wins every time. Trying, and keeping on trying, is the best anyone can do. All is never lost when losing a competition because effort counts as well as outcome. Now pride is served because it is honorably come by: "I gave it a shot!" So, go after those positive possibilities that call to you because worse than feeling disappointment from not getting what you worked for is feeling regret that you didn’t even bother or dare to try.”