Starting Places for Learning About Good Divorce

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Dear Wendy,

I have kids and want to make the process of divorce as collaborative as possible with my ex. But when I try to do research online, it seems like everyone is trying to sell me something, when all I really want is some hard-and-fast information about the new, "Good Divorce." What are some good resources for getting through a divorce? —Drowning In Information

Dear Flood-Victim,

It's true that there are a lot of new companies seemingly eager to cash in on the "good divorce" movement—but many of them are started by divorcees who really want to make the process better and less contentious. Check out this article I wrote for The New York Observer on divorce as the new cottage industry. It includes information about some of the recently created apps and sites that can be helpful for families during the tough transition of divorce and thereafter.

Here are some of my favorites:

• SupportPay.com is essentially a banking site that is a great way to process child support payments without all the emotion involved. The woman who started it is on a mission to prevent fighting over money and the emotional fallout of this on children.
• OurFamilyWizard.com is the oldest, classic site for co-parenting. Some courts mandate it for couples who are fighting because it has a tone meter that alerts you to when your "tone" might incite a fight.
• A newer site trying to take the tone meter mobile is Coparenter.com. I know one of the guys who started this site, and he's really dedicated to protecting children and parents from the emotional destruction of the bad divorce.
• Every state has some kind of child or parenting workshop, and people like them. Look online or ask your lawyer or therapist for suggestions.
• One of the best workshops is something called Sandcastles by M. Gary Neuman, and his book is great: "Helping Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way."
• A great resource for parents of young kids is Sesame Street.org's Little Kids, Big Challenges: Divorce "toolkit."

Here are a few more resources I just learned about. If you use any of these, let me know what you think!

• Family Kind is focused on mediation and has resources and events.
• DivorceCare is a Christian ministry, helping people create support groups within a church.
• Sister to Sister is a divorce-support service for Orthodox Jewish women. It offers online chats, events and support.

A lot of life coaches do divorce coaching now, which can be super helpful. Collaborative Divorce and Mediation are key resources, when it comes to the legal side.

Good luck!