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I recently ran a reader survey for my blog subscribers.
Here's what one reader suggested is missing from the autism blogosphere:
“What is missing in the world is more listening to adult Autistics/Aspies. We’re living it, so we know something about it.”
I thought I'd follow this reader's advice for this article. So I looked for tips from autistic/Asperger bloggers and thought leaders. Here are some top tips for living with autism:
Discover and Build Upon Your Strengths
Brian R. King wrote this excerpt in his article, How To Find Your Strengths When You Don't Know What They Are.
My suggestion to you, starting today, is to bring your routine strengths back into your awareness. Ask yourself, “What problems did I solve today? If you’re having a difficult time determining what problems existed today, just make a list of everything you did. If you picked out something to wear then you solved the problem of, “What do I wear today?” In fact, every time you ask a question you are stating a problem and when you answer that question you are offering a solution.
Check out these 6 Best Free Strengths Test Sites for another way to pinpoint your unique strengths.
Learn To Ask For Help
Cynthia Kim, in her article, Asking For Help, shares why it’s often difficult for her to ask for help. You may relate. Sensory overwhelm, having to think of what to say when asking for help, and fear of being ridiculed are reasons she struggled to ask for help. Then she went on a trip overseas, and decided to ask strangers for help. After all, it was expected, since she was a foreigner.
She gives some helpful tips for asking for help:
- Put a time limit on how long you’ll try something on your own before asking for help. Like 10 minutes, for example.
- Use the following phrases:
"Excuse me,"
"Can you help me?"
"May I ask you a question?"
Her final advice: Be willing to practice, practice, practice. Over time, asking for help becomes easier.
Dealing with Anxiety and Depression
Steve, from the Adults with Autism blog, shared his tips on how he copes with anxiety and depression:
I deal with the combination of High functioning autism, anxiety, depression and OCD in the following ways:
- Taking the smallest amount of medication for anxiety and depression, that will just take the edge off the worst feelings. With the help of your doctor, you may need to experiment with different medications until you find one that works for you. My present one is Clomipramine, and it seems to work ok. But I do stress just the smallest amount to help you get through the day.
- Relaxation techniques, relaxation music, guided meditation cd’s and massage.
- Learning as much as I can about autism, and how it affects me. This helps me to understand myself more, and leads to a greater acceptance of my difficulties.
Coping With Holidays and the New Year
Amanda Harrington, who blogs at Crazy Girl in an Aspie World, writes about the importance of self awareness in the role of managing holidays. She points out that we can have high expectations for ourselves and of the holiday. She points out that New Year's, for example, reminds her of how challenging it can be to hold it together during the entire year, and the thought of heading into another year.
The feelings of new year are terrifying, readers. The pressure begins to build before the old year has gone by and don't really subside until March. It's the sense that I am not good enough, that what I am doing on a daily basis falls short of what I expected of myself. It reminds me, every year, that I am only slightly different from how I was the year before and as that means I am still likely to make mistakes and not be wildly successful in normal terms, I panic myself into thinking I should make changes.
Ms. Harrington has learned to pace herself, lower her expectations, recognize the positive gains in her life, and set small and realistic goals for herself, rather than unrealistic, lofty ones. In her words,
Step back, breathe, look. Then toddle on and take advantage of the fact that you don't get anywhere fast using baby-steps, which gives you plenty of time to see where you are going.
Relating to Others: Basic Etiquette
I'm 46 years old. I still find myself makeing social mistakes at parties. My wife or other friends point them out to me, and I realize that learning is a lifelong journey. John Elder Robison, author of Look Me In the Eye, says this about his progression with relating to others.
“I’ve learned not to be rude, not to interrupt people, to have a minimal amount of manners. You don’t have to do all this stuff perfectly, you just have to make the transition from weird to eccentric, and then you’re okay”
I believe basic etiquette relates to everyone, whether on the autism spectrum or not.
Here are some resources to help you and me improve our etiquette:
Emily Post, Modern Etiquette.
Modern Manners Guy provides concise, fun tips about etiquette both at his blog and on his podcast.
Summary
In summary, here are 5 tips to make your life better, from Brian King, Cynthia Kim, Steve, Amanda Harrington, and John Elder Robison:
- Discover and build on your strengths.
- Get professional help, learn relaxation, and learn as much as you can about autism in order to better cope with your anxiety and depression.
- Learn to ask for help, starting with people you trust. Use the scripts that Cynthia Kim has suggested (see above)
- Cope with holidays by learning how you've responded to them in the past, and be gentle with yourself and your expectations when approaching those holidays.
- Remember that basic etiquette goes a long way to pave the road to positive interactions with others.
photo credit: thaths on Flickr
If you're an autistic/Aspergers adult, please contribute your own daily living tips in the comments below!
