Consider an End-of-the-Year Empathy Checklist

Source: E. A. Segal

In the spirit of using the first day of the new year as a motivator for self-reflection, I suggest doing an empathy inventory. Empathy is generally considered a key to positive social engagement.¹ It connects us to others in deep and meaningful ways. Empathy also can lead to helpful interactions, such as collaboration and cooperation.²

When we understand others, and they understand us, we can create positive social engagement in so many areas of our lives. With the benefits of empathy, it makes sense to take measures of how empathic we have been and how we can build on that for greater empathy in the year to come.

Here are some guidelines to help you do your own empathy inventory:

• Did I try to see the perspective of others?
• When I did walk in the shoes of others, did I remember to see things as they might, not interpret how I view things?
• Did I remain open to seeing things from the perspective of others and not be judgmental when I did so?
• Did I draw good boundaries, being sure to separate my emotions from the emotions of other people?
• When others were emotional, did I pay attention, respond when needed, and remember those were not my emotions, so I stayed balanced?
• Did I use my empathic insights to stay present and supportive?
• Was I able to focus on myself when needed and not feel bad for having a low empathy-for-others day?

Why do an inventory?

Empathy is important to positive relationships, but it does not always come easy. Checking in with ourselves is a good practice, so why not use the start of the new year as an incentive for that self-focused inventory? And don’t be afraid to check in periodically throughout the year. Empathy is a skill, and like all skills, it needs to be practiced and used repeatedly to keep it strong and helpful.

Building Empathy for the New Year

Because empathy is a learned skill built on our unconscious abilities, we can practice how to do it. The key unconscious ability behind empathy is mirroring. Mirroring is the term used to describe the unconscious imitation of others that occurs in our brains.³ It is what helps us to take the perspective of others.

One way to build off our unconscious mirroring is to check in with someone you trust. Because you know them and feel comfortable, this is an easy place to practice. Go off on a small adventure together. Then stop to assess how each of you is reacting. Think about how the situation may have made your friend feel, and then ask if you were able to assess accurately how they felt. You can ask your friend to do the same for you. Were you each able to understand the other’s experience and reactions? Once you can do this with a friend, it is easier to do it with people you don’t know well.

Empathy is not just sharing reactions but understanding what those reactions mean to the other person. We can’t read people’s minds, so we have to learn how to check in to be sure we are accurate in our understanding.

May the flipping of the calendar be your reason to do an empathy inventory and bring greater empathic sharing and understanding to your new year!