My “First World” Cold

Source: Pixabay

What happens if we think about others even when we are feeling miserable?

For three weeks I felt horrible. I had a cold of epic proportions with every symptom imaginable and it would not subside. Even now, three weeks removed, I don’t feel up to par.

During this bout, I was focused on each minute, just trying to get my body through another coughing spell, throbbing headache, shaking chills, and sleepless nights. I was totally consumed by my plight and felt really sorry for myself. It was my winter vacation, and all I was doing was shuffling from bed to the living room couch then back to bed, not even able to read or follow anything on TV. I was quarantining myself so no one else would get it, leaving me even more pitiful.

One night, as I was tossing and turning in between coughing, I had a moment when I thought to myself, oh my, what if I were homeless? What if I lived on the street? Or even if I had shelter, what if I could not pay to turn up the heat so I was not so chilled? And how would I get enough soup and juices, which I had in endless supply? The thought gave me pause and put my misery in perspective – empathy helped me to gain enough insight to step back from my self-pity. It reminded me of the current retort, I had a “First World” problem. Not the cold, people all over the world get colds, the problem was my forgetting about the resources I had to deal with my cold.

Telling someone who shares with you a problem or concern that their issue is a First World problem is a bit snotty and snooty, but the meaning behind it can be valuable. It can remind us that what we spend so much time worrying about is far less problematic if we put it into the context of the larger global picture of people’s lives. For example, when I was catastrophizing my first scratch on my new car, my friend laughed and said how First World of me. Not only did I have a car for personal transportation, but a new one that was state of the art safe and fuel-efficient. I still didn’t like the scratch marring my brand-new car, but it really was not a big deal. Being called out on my First World problem put things in perspective. I could step back and appreciate how fortunate I was to have a wonderful new car. So too when I put my cold into a larger context.

Empathy does not only lead to helping others; it helps the empathizer too.

We typically think of empathy as a way to help others, to step into their shoes so we can better understand them and as a result take action to help. Engaging in helping others is a positive outcome of empathy. But my time being sick reminded me of the positive aspect of empathy for the empathizer. Through empathy, not only do we see the world of others, but we can put our own lives in perspective. And when we do that, we can actually feel better.

Empathy increases oxytocin, the happy hormone.

When we empathize, we get benefits, consciously and unconsciously. We may not be aware of it, but empathy can improve our moods. There are links between empathy and the hormone oxytocin, which has been found to produce feelings of calmness and lowers anxiety.¹ In fact, new research has found that when people are induced to be empathic, more oxytocin is produced, which leads to good feelings.² Empathy feels good physically.

Doing good to feel good.

We also know that when we are consciously engaged in empathy and are moved to help others, known as prosocial behavior, we end up feeling better ourselves.³ Doing good does help us to feel good. We see ourselves as a good person, and we can mirror the positive impact we have on others so that we too feel that positive impact. And we learn to do it again. We remember that doing good feels good, and therefore we are moved to again engage in prosocial behavior – we remember that it helps others and makes us feel good.

Empathy may not keep us from ever feeling bad, or make a cold disappear, but it can go a long way to help us get through the hard times.