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The number of siblings we grow up with influences how we think about the number of children we want. Those who had happy childhoods with no siblings or one or several brothers and/or sisters lean in the direction of repeating the same or similar family constellation when we have our own children. Contrarily, if we grew up amidst a lot of bickering or had too much responsibility for younger siblings, we could want a different family configuration.
Beyond the preferences we have from growing up with or without siblings, many social and personal phenomena explain the marked trend toward single child families. In an essay in the Modern Family section of Newsweek magazine Kathleen Deveny writes about her daughter's requests for a dog since she knows she's not getting a sibling. When Deveny was growing up, "Only-kids were freaks...The size and shape of our families are often formed by forces outside our control," she notes. Click here to read the full story: Why Only-Children Rule.
As Deveny writes in her personal essay, she's raising a singleton in part because she's an older, divorced single parent who loves her job. We each have our own reasons. The trend toward only children is fueled and created by some of these factors:
• Women are marrying and starting families later than in previous generations leaving fewer childbearing years.
• Secondary infertility -having a baby, but having difficulty conceiving a second-is on an upswing.
• The divorce rate still hovers at 50 percent cutting short the time for more children.
• Men who have children from their first marriages are often willing to have only one child in a subsequent marriage.
• The cost of raising and educating children today is high.
• Adoption regulations have tightened.
• More women are in the workforce with young children and find managing job and several children too difficult.
Parents want to give their children as much emotional support and advantage as possible. To do so, they are being more thoughtful, not selfish as advocates of large families often argue. As one woman remarked, "It was so much easier for our grandparents and (some of our) parents. They didn't know what we know or have the career opportunities we have. Women's lives were mapped out: You fell in love, got married, and had children. No concern over options or how many children to have."
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Copyright @2008 by Susan Newman
