Are Millennial Men Masculine?

Considerable attention has recently been devoted to masculinity, the way in which men proclaim themselves to be physically, psychologically, and socially masculine and whether that masculinity is beneficial or noxious living in today’s world. My question is whether straight millennial young men endorse traditional masculinity—sometimes referred to as toxic masculinity—or something else?

To answer this question, I interviewed 130 straight young men ages 18 to 23 (mean age = 20.0) about, among other things, their degree of masculinity. Several points were nearly universal.

1. None volunteered he has any significant degree of femininity—although some admit they have several characteristics others might define as feminine.
2. It was not unusual for the young men to desire more masculinity, but not the toxic or traditional variety.
3. Nearly all rejected the notion they are “classically masculine”—in reference to physical appearance and style of being in the world because they are not buff, not proficient in sports, and not alpha-like.
4. Related to the above, all described themselves in ways that connote a new masculinity and related this to themselves (see below).

Caleb

Caleb considers himself masculine in a number of ways, but he sees fault lines that he wants to work on.

I feel I’ve experienced my share of emotional difficulties, and therefore consider myself strong emotionally and mentally. I’m an explorer and have had more than my share of wild environments, which I like to believe has given me a worldly masculine perspective and made me a capable person when it comes to wild environments. As of late, I am striving to feel more self-validated. I do wish to be more successful socially and to be able to possess a more masculine presence in social circles.

Cameron

Cameron describes himself as slightly masculine because he does not “really care what I wear, I work out a lot and care about sports a lot.” Additionally, after waking up he does not spend “a lot of time getting ready in the morning and could care less what other people think I look like.”

Malik

Malik rates himself as an 8.5 out of 10 on masculinity, though he defines it in his own unique way. “I’m not buff and not obsessed with useless entertainment like professional sports. However, I am comfortable with myself, can be independent, and have a decent brain in my head on my shoulders. … I’m comfortable with my ability to cook, clean, sew, be creative, not homophobic.”

James

James rates himself as semi-masculine in that he has a good physique, loves competition, and is decent at compartmentalizing. To be more masculine he needs to be more decisive, less emotionally reliant on others, and not always speak his mind. James asserts he is 100% heterosexual.

Gabriel

Gabriel gives himself a 6 out of 10 on masculinity. Tall, athletic looking, with the countenance of contemporary masculinity, he rates himself considerably above average on sensation seeking, openness to new experiences, emotional stability, and life satisfaction. He is both masculine and not.

I care a lot about my hair. I very rarely cry but when I do, it’s after haircuts. I enjoy the beer pong and sort of the fratty nature of college. I love playing sports and I love watching football. Fantasy football is one of my favorite things.

In the next sentence, Gabriel notes his non-traditional masculinity. He is not averse to developing deep and abiding friendships with guys without fearing he might be labeled queer. “I realized that I am not a bro-y or jock-y kind of guy and a lot of guys in my high school were. I think being friends with girls is actually easier.”

Jeff

Clean-cut with a fraternity jersey, with shaved eyebrows, Jeff says he is moderately masculine.

I like most things guys like, with the exception of sports, gambling, and beer. I have short hair and occasionally let my facial hair grow out, and my voice is deep. I never cry and have never let my emotions or mood affect my daily responsibilities, academics, or relationships with friends. Physically, I’ve always wished I were taller and more muscular. I also have several traits that are probably more common in women, such as obsessive-compulsive tendencies, a lot of introspection, over-sensitivity to insults, and an academic interest in human sexuality and literature.

Lee

Very masculine appearing with Nike shorts, lengthy UConn Huskies jersey, and muscularly lean, Lee is quite candid and philosophical about his personality characteristics.

Usually, honestly, yes masculine, though sometimes I don’t, like I don’t know. Like I go shopping and look at a bunch of clothes and lots of outfits. I write songs sometimes. I play lacrosse, joke around with guy friends, pretend fight, very active. No desire to be more masculine. I live and have a balance.

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Summary

Few of the young men are striving to be the normal male. Rather, most are creating their own idiosyncratic masculinity and manhood. Here are examples:

• I hate violence, battles, Dungeons and Dragons, fighting—I hate it all.
• I do what others consider feminine and I have no issue with this, like modern dance.
• I help people and give advice. The best form of masculinity is being a good father.
• I think I’m more sensitive than most guys, which most people would not call masculine.
• I connect very well emotionally with women, and I have many longtime friendships because of this. Usually I am a very good listener. My passion for learning and closeness is also not very masculine.

Many young men describe themselves as prototypical sensitive men in tune with their millennial generation’s new masculinity. They understand sex as a delicate matter, which entails juggling several competing desires (horniness and respect) while appreciating the emotional needs of a potential sex partner. As one young man succinctly puts it, “I have no desire to be more masculine. I’m happy with who I am. I just wish I was getting laid.”