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I’m definitely wondering why I bought this.
I spent 147 dollars and 83 cents on this giant Chanel perfume, and it has been sitting in its fancy box in my cupboard since October 20th.
That stupid bottle of pricey Chanel made me take a long hard look at the person I have become, and wonder if, when, or how the old me will return.
The recent cover of The New Yorker features a woman sitting at her desk in front of her laptop, probably in some Zoom conversation. She is wearing shorts, but a decent blouse and comfy slip-on flats, while holding what looks like a cosmopolitan, and there is a mess on the floor and her orange cat sitting beside her.
That woman is now me—minus the fact that she looks relatively skinny, while I sit here and poke at my gut as the rolls have grown and topple over one another.
So here I am, sitting here in my yoga clothes and flip flops, while holding a glass of wine, with my fat tabby cat sitting beside me and wondering why I even bothered to spend all that money on perfume when the small empty bottle has been sitting on my bookshelf for months! In other words, why did I purchase a huge bottle when the small one, which is cheaper, has not been used for months? Not only that, you should always buy a smaller bottle cause the potency decreases in time, so now I am strapped with a giant bottle that is going to rot as it sits on my bookshelf baking in the sun.
This is all very disconcerting. Initially, I welcomed the break from heels and dresses and no make-up and a more chill vibe cause I could do that no problem and take a break from being so “put together.” Now, it’s starting to worry me cause I haven’t worn any of my nice clothes, or any perfume, or been outside much and it’s like my life has taken on a whole new meaning and I’m not sure if I can continue to sit here on my laptop like this.
A few days ago, a friend invited me to go hiking at the Griffith Park Observatory trails, and I said I’d get back to her. I haven’t been on a hike for months. I woke up yesterday still not sure if I should go because I don’t know if people on the trails were going to be responsible and socially distance and wear a mask. That shouldn’t deter me from living my life, yet it does.
I sat in bed and went back and forth in my head if I should go or stay home like I always do and finally gave in. I was not going to let other people’s potential irresponsible decisions stop me from living my life. I am not going to let COVID continue to keep me from myself.
That explains why today I took out the Chanel box and opened it to release the perfume from its prison and start wearing it. It sounds stupid because I don’t have visitors and so no one is really going to get a whiff of me, but that’s not the point. I need to clean my make-up brushes and try and put some eye shadow on at least a few times a week as well.
I also got a divine intervention email today from my e-salon saying it’s time to freshen up my roots. Actually, it’s way overdue because I have deleted all the previous emails alerting me that it’s time for some more color, but I have been putting that too on the back burner.
Going back to my current yoga attire. I was practicing yoga earlier today when the sun was coming through my windows, and when I was doing the boat posture I noticed the hairs on my legs were loud and proud and have not seen a razor in weeks.
I don’t see myself walking around my loft in heels, but I also know that wearing flip flops all day long is not mentally good for me. Yes, physically, heels are bad for your feet and overall body, but mentally, they can inspire me to take a better look at my appearance and do the little things to adjust to this “new life” that I am not so sure I am down for anymore.
Oh, and on Cyber Monday a few days ago, I actually went online and bought a winter coat that was 53% off and I have never done any Black Friday or Cyber Monday purchases in my entire life, so that is another sign that I am trying to adjust back to my old self or do something to pull myself out of this self sitting here now.
I live in downtown LA and it's 80 degrees today, but you better believe when that coat gets delivered, I am going to put it on, bust out the heels, spray some Chanel, and yes, sit at my desk with my cat beside me and probably continue to hold a glass of wine, but at least I will have done something. At least I would have done something different, so I don’t look like that woman on that New Yorker cover.
