Verified by 
Key points
- Sitting with a bullied child will both raise their self-esteem and discourage the bully from approaching.
- If confronting a child's bully will help, a parent can roleplay this with their child first so they can be prepared.
- It's important to give a child words to help articulate their experiences with bullying.
I walked alone down the high school hallway, heading toward my locker. I was a new kid, with no friends. I wore an Indian-print wrap-around skirt and a brown leotard top. My long hair hung down my back in thick waves. I didn’t wear any makeup because I wanted to be naturally pretty. Make-up might have helped to cover my burn scars, which swirled on my chin, cheeks, and neck. Scars covered my chest, poking out of the pretty leotard that I wore. But I thought I looked nice. I faced ahead, my burned lip half-smiling. Even though I was new at the school, things were going OK so far. But then this happened: “Burn, Baby, Burn!”
Four boys walked close behind, serenading me. They sang "Disco Inferno," but only that first line. “Burn Baby Burn!” They sang it again and again, but in a breathy way because they were laughing so hard.
I didn’t look at them. I walked as fast as I could. My heart thudded and my chest felt heavy. My shoulders drooped. I looked down, away, hiding my face. I hoped no one would hear and I hoped everyone would hear. What was hilarious about singing "Burn Baby Burn" to a burned girl?
All I wanted was to fit in. I wasn’t pretending I wasn’t burned. I knew I was. I pretended the burns weren’t that bad, but that’s how I got through the day. If I thought about my scars all the time, I couldn’t smile, be friendly, make a joke, and do all the things to win the friends I so desperately needed.
7 ways to help a kid who's being bullied
If you love a child who is being bullied, here are some things you can do to help them:
- Talk about bullying, and help the child have words for their experiences.
- Show them that you care deeply about the bullying.
- Talk to their teachers and ask them to intervene.
- Teach and model empathy.
- Teach the child crucial social skills.
- Confronting their bully might help. If the child is willing, help them prepare for a strong assertive confrontation. Roleplay the confrontation with them.
- What always helps is not being alone. Most kids don’t get bullied when they are hanging with other children. Bullying happens most when a child is alone. (I was never bullied when I was with a friend. Not once.)
If a child is being bullied, there is one thing people can do that will make a huge difference: Sit with them. Talk to them. Smile at them. Your presence will have a double impact. First, it will comfort the bullied person, and help them feel less vulnerable and ashamed. Second, and this is crucial, your presence will back away the bully. The bully won’t taunt if you are there, too, smiling and being a friend. The bully will slink away.
I wonder about those boys, who are now middle-aged men. Do they even remember singing "Burn Baby Burn" to me? Was it truly entertaining, watching my spirit disintegrate? I was trying so hard to be cheerful and to hold my head up high. What was funny about it?
I still can't listen to that song.
I hope life has taught those bullies about kindness.
I hope life teaches us all about kindness.
