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Forgiveness
You Got Called Out. Now What?
Rather than get the last word, here is how to move on with your head held high.
Posted February 23, 2021
Key points
- Let the Instigators of cancel culture show their true colors.
- When someone calls you out, keep it off social media.
- When someone calls you out, free yourself with forgiveness.
- When someone calls you out, look within.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt (1940).
You get that text from a friend, "did you see that post?" With your heart beating in your throat, you click on that social app and read what other people said about you.
We are completely powerless to what people think or say about us. Regardless of the source or consequence of the information, people talk about other people; running the gamut from complete fiction to private information that unfortunately got exposed. Sixty-seven percent of women and 55% of men engage in gossip ranging from mindless chatter to an intentional attempt to cancel a person, mostly to distract themselves from their own lives. This suggests that people want to focus on other people’s lives rather than their own.
Calling out, or initiating hostile attention towards someone for a past or present behavior, is an act of bullying.
With suicide rates increasing each year for adults by 1% since 2008, toxicity starts early for the vulnerable adolescent subgroup, with 20% claimed to have been bullied and 15% cyberbullyed other people. Although we cannot control what other people say or do, we can control how we handle the situation internally and externally.
When someone calls you out, look within.
How do you feel when you were called out? Awareness of how you feel is the first step. Unplug and take a break from social media and other sources so you do not have to read about yourself. Space is necessary to process those feelings in a journal, with a supportive family member, friend, or professional.
When someone calls you out, evaluate accuracy.
Was the content complete fiction, embarrassingly true, or somewhere in between? The truth will be reflected in your behavior and refuted by people who really know you. Try to laugh about it; maybe not now, but hopefully, it will be a source of humor in the future.
When someone calls you out, uncover the blind spot.
Did you get blindsided by the truth? Whether the truth was a surprise or a secret that was exposed or previously denied, it is time to own it; even it feels messy and thorny. Everyone makes mistakes and has the right to grow and live from them.
When someone calls you out, actions speak louder than words.
If the info is fictitious, then the truth will come out by being yourself. If a painful truth is exposed, work through it as opposed to pretending it does not exist. Everyone is entitled to grow and move on from mistakes. Being your beautiful self will put the naysayers in their place.
When someone calls you out, keep it off social media.
Just because someone started something online does not mean you have to finish it. There is no reason to make it a public event. The person who does the calling out, talking, gossiping and other forms of cyberbullying is actually the one who looks foolish. The braver and stronger person is the one who makes a phone call or sends a private/direct message to attempt to resolve the issue, person to person, without an audience or theatrical last word.
When someone calls you out, free yourself with forgiveness.
You might have been targeted, but rather than getting even and making it worse, work on forgiving the Instigator for yourself. Most likely, the Instigator is coming from a place of pain. Forgiving him/her/them helps you heal and move on. The Instigator will need to work on forgiving him/her/themselves to move past the situation as well.
When someone calls you out, be the person you need.
When you see other people publicly beaten up by anonymous gangs of cybermuscles, do not participate. Connect with him/her/them privately and offer support. Most of us know how it feels to be in the center of unwanted attention, especially online. It can be lonely and painful, so reaching out and helping others is a must.
The internet is forever, so always think before posting. Keep grievances off the world’s digital and permanent billboard. Be the stronger person and not the one to keep it going. The Instigator should never have permission to make you feel inferior enough to respond. How can you free yourself from other people's opinions?
