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Relationships
Can You Overcome a Broken Heart?
Do you still view their love as a prize? Can you learn to be alone?
Posted January 7, 2015
What to do after a breakup, wait or start again? Loss can provide a time of pain, soul searching and for many, an opportunity to develop spiritually. Those who believe that what happened is God’s will, though they may not understand or like it, may handle things with more acceptance. As long as you think their love is a prize, it’s hard to move on. As soon as you get to the point, you think their next partner is getting an undesirable booby prize, you can accelerate forward with much more ease.
Do you still see them through rose-colored glasses? Many mainly remember the good times and moments, blocking out the real reasons you are not together. You need to confront your denial and consciously recall some of the bad times.You can still be forgiving, but many broken hearts are maintained by irrational recollections and thinking.
Some catastrophize their pain when a relationship ends. They miss and long for warmth, love and to do what they used to. Songs which remind them of the past can intrude and disrupt the day. People who look similar, cars that resemble theirs or passing places you went, can refresh memories you wish would fade. It’s like you feel decapitated, the head from the body.
For a relationship to have affected you, it had to have some importance. At least, you were trying and can learn from the experience. Stop and ponder what you did to contribute to the loss. Are you reluctant to do this? You were open, had some good times and were capable of feeling closeness. Many don’t want to feel this pain again, but isolating yourself results in loneliness and often self-pity. Some sit on the pity pot so long, they get a ring around their butt.
When a relationship ends, it’s normal to endure a period of loss. If you sprained your ankle, you would likely cut yourself some slack, and give yourself time to heal. Many are reluctant to handle psychological pain as they do the physical. It may be time for you to learn to live alone without being lonely. Being lonely occurs when you’re by yourself not by choice. Being alone, is the ability to enjoy being by yourself by your own choice. Many cherish the freedom, lack of conflict, and are less into people pleasing. You can do what you want without having to compromise. Many say, that once they finally get to this state, ironically, they meet someone. They become more appealing, because that they are being less needy may be more apparent than they think.
Case Scenario: Ahmad was distraught and thought he was living out a nightmare after Anna left. He was depressed and wished she would return. After initial attempts to text and call fell through, he realized she meant what she said. His description, of how he would start crying as he sat up in bed to begin the day, has remained a lasting memory. He wondered what she was doing and with whom. He was resentful seeing couples enjoy themselves. He was filled with regret, jealousy and disappointment.
Slowly, he started to look at his relationship with Anna. He knew he couldn’t discount what she wanted and he wasn’t able to provide it for her. She wanted someone she could be “in love” with for the rest of her life. He wasn’t that person, and he wondered who could meet those excessive expectations? He realized he spent too much time playing computer games. He needed to become more flexible and compromising if he were to make a future relationship work.
Ahmad started to enjoy the independence of being alone. He grew closer to God and remarked he now could feel His presence and strength. He began doing more things without worrying about whether it fit into other’s plans. He didn’t wait for others to contact him, or to include him in what they were doing, he initiated activities. He reached out to more and built a large social network. He felt he would be less dependent on a new partner and wouldn’t expect as much. He hadn’t rushed out to date someone quickly, but took the time to learn and grow.
Often, you may be reluctant to date because you cling to the remnants of what you thought was a good relationship. You still want to remain hopeful, which may be insane, as we all know the cliche "insanity is expecting a different outcome from the same behavior." Most want to feel hope and those without a spiritual reality, can desperately search for it.
It’s important to discern whether you really loved them or just your idea of them. It was close to being what you wanted but did not work out. Time can be wasted as you obsess about where the relationship stands, and you may feel confused unfulfilled, and undecided about moving on.
