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Yesterday, Tiger Woods limped off the golf course after another failed attempt to return. Can the inability to carry out sexual affairs create chaos for an elite athlete? Can it just be a unfortunate coincidence that his wife literally kicking him to the curb was linked to physical deterioration? Can feeling extreme regret, public shame, lead to guilt feelings, which cause self-sabotage? Can becoming "sober," abstinent from an addiction, force a person in recovery to have to deal with reality in an entirely different way? Can having an affair, make a man feel more masculine and powerful, as misdirected and self-defeating as that might be? How many disagree that the answer is five yeses?
Because it may not have the standard tolerance and withdrawal issues which many alcoholics experience with the DT's or the cold sweats and jangled nerves a person addicted to opiates has to live through, some down play sexual addiction. It can be an overriding obsession with achieving orgasm and because of socialization in our Western culture, many males are characterized as having these thoughts multiple times every hour. Many therefore, view sexual addiction as normal. As with any addiction, it provides a distraction. Those with spiritual beliefs can describe this as idol worship as all addiction represents distraction from worshipping your higher power. For an alcoholic or drug addict, debating using, gathering the material, doing it, coming down, regretting it and then repeating the cycle and debating it again represents a very destructive way to pass time. The same occurs with a sex addict. The obsessive quality can keep people from focusing on their own flaws, life-problems, or stressors. Minds can remain focused on acquiring a substance or sex, which enables people to not have to deal with more undesired, inner feelings. It provides a form of self-medication from depression and anxiety. It keeps them from feeling bored, which provides a massive positive reward for those who just don't know how to feel serene and peaceful.
Tiger Woods was regarded as the best golfer of all time before Thanksgiving Day 2009. His life appeared idyllic. He was the front man and spokesperson of many corporate products. His public image and popularity was immense worldwide. What happens when most are publicly shamed this way? We all have an internal critical judge that holds us to account daily. Anything that makes us feel shame, guilt or self-anger can feed that judge. When the judge has cause, which happens because of rational and irrational events, it can pronounce us guilty.We can be filled with immense regret. We are likely then to throw the proverbial monkey wrench at ourselves. We self-sabotage. When we self-sabotage, we often limit ourselves from experiencing success. In fact, we often appear passive aggressive to ourselves as we block ourselves from obtaining what we desire. Did a public shaming help Mr. Woods?
Can having multiple affairs make a man feel more masculine and powerful? I believe few would doubt this. It again may be misdirected, but the illusion that you are desired by the opposite sex can provide superficial but real self-confidence. The excitement of playing "cops and robbers" with your spouse as your infidelity escalates also may provide a huge focus. Without this, a person's mental balance, which may have seemed to be in equilibrium, can soon fall. How do you go back to the farm once you've been to the city?
Samson lost his strength when his hair was cut. Was it superstition, illusion, delusion or reality? Tiger Woods lost his game when his life-style was exposed. Was that a coincidence, or just the loss of an addiction, which temporarily provided him with a coping mechanism?
I want to conclude my comments by saying I'm not pretending to be able to be giving psychotherapy from left field to Tiger Woods nor am I disclosing some confidential material. I have never met him. This blog is intended to discuss some generic issues.
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