Navigating Conflict: Turning Storms Into Opportunities

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Conflict is an inevitable part of any workplace. It can affect productivity, quality, service, morale, and working relationships. Like unpredictable weather, conflict can arise suddenly and intensely. While we can't control the "weather" of conflict, we can prepare for it and navigate it effectively.

Understanding Your Own Conflict Style

How we handle conflict often stems from our upbringing and ingrained responses (e.g., "flight, fight, or freeze"). These responses, while natural, can limit our ability to see conflict as a productive process. Taking the time to recognize your typical response to conflict (e.g., do you get angry? Do you avoid it? Do you go quiet? Do you immediately try to "fix" it?) can help you recognize whether your natural approach will work in this current scenario.

Reflect on the Situation

To understand whether your natural style will work in this situation, take the time to consider your understanding of what is occurring.

• What was the conflict about? Who was involved?
• What was your perspective, and what emotions did it evoke in you?
• What was the other person’s perspective, and what emotions might they have experienced?
• Is there a true conflict of interest, or are the differences more about perception?
• What is the minimum compromise you can accept, and what potential solutions could benefit both parties?
• If the other person refuses to negotiate, what steps can you take next?

Understanding these elements can help in crafting a response that is both empathetic and strategic.

A Plan for Difficult Conversations

After recognizing your typical style, triggers, and what has happened so far, it's time to corroborate.

1. Understand your story and theirs. Reflect on where your perspective comes from: past experiences, anecdotes, or ingrained beliefs. Consider the other person’s story with the same depth.
2. Acknowledge the impact. Understand how the conflict affects you emotionally and practically. Consider your contributions to the problem and what’s at stake for you.
3. Decide on the conversation’s purpose. Determine what you hope to achieve—whether it’s learning, sharing, or problem-solving. Consider if this is the best way to achieve your goals, and if not, how else you might resolve the issue internally.
4. Start from a "third story." Present the differences between your perspectives without assigning blame. Share your purpose and invite the other person to join the conversation.
5. Explore and problem-solve. Listen to understand the other person’s viewpoint, share your own, and reframe the discussion as needed. Brainstorm options and agree on who will do what and when, ensuring continuous communication and support.

Note that the above describes two preparation steps and four "seeking to understand" steps before getting to problem-solving. This is a common mistake people make: We either want to get out of conflict quickly and try to resolve it, or we think we understand the issue and jump into action. However, this is why the same arguments and patterns will often resurface: The underlying issues weren't addressed or understood.

By rethinking conflict as a natural part of working through issues, we can shift our responses away from "retreat, resist, or resolve." By understanding our conflict styles and preparing thoughtfully for conversations, we can turn conflicts into opportunities for growth and collaboration. This shift allows us to view conflict as an opportunity for resolution rather than a stress-inducing event. As we navigate the inevitable storms of conflict, we can emerge with fresh solutions and stronger relationships, prepared for whatever challenges may come. Embracing conflict with readiness and resilience helps us turn potential stress into opportunities for growth and clearer skies ahead