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A couple of days ago, a story came up on my Apple News feed entitled, “One recipe, two meals: Pasta with butter and peas for the kids, and a veggie-packed primavera for you.” I was confused by the title, so I clicked on it (clever title, then, I guess). I was disturbed on a number of levels that I feel compelled to express.
The premise of the article seems to be that not only do kids dislike vegetables, but they will not eat them, so there’s no use in trying. Why struggle to get your child to eat healthy foods when you can just give them something (with butter!) they’ll love? The author claims that “what we have here is a ridiculous pasta primavera, but super-stripped down on the front end for your babes. I included some peas in the kid-friendly recipe. Ya know, color! And health or whatever.”
What you do is start out making pasta with butter, chicken stock and cheese, and then divide the pasta in half. You throw some frozen peas in the first half and give it to the kids. You then go on to add fresh broccoli, fresh tomatoes, fresh asparagus, frozen peas, fresh garlic, fresh thyme, and some white wine to the other half and eat it yourself. She goes on to claim that this primavera version (which she calls the “mature version”) is so good that “you may cry.”
I have so many questions:
If the primavera version is so good, why not give it to everyone? Are kids so naturally averse to vegetables that they’ll never be able to open their minds to how delicious it is?
Why do the adults get all the fresh vegetables, and the kids only get frozen peas? There are tiny bits of iron, potassium, and calcium in the bag of peas, but no vitamins at all. There is much “health or whatever” in broccoli, tomatoes, and asparagus. Why not give the kids some of that? Aren’t they still growing “or whatever”?
Why is it assumed that the kids only want super-stripped down versions of meals?
I know we live in a time where one of the cardinal sins is to be “judgy.” We’re not supposed to judge anyone for their choices, especially when it comes to parenting. As a parenting expert, I am judging you, Bev Weidner.
Vitamins, fiber and color and health or whatever, are essential parts of our diets no matter who we are. But they are especially important for children, whose bodies and brains can only develop to their full potential if they are given the substance needed for them to grow and mature. If anyone is going to have to eat the stripped-down version, I think Ms. Weidner should do it. Give the kids the delicious mature version, and let the kids mature.
If the concern is that the children will thumb their noses at your veggie-packed dinner, then perhaps it’s time to evaluate your relationship with your children. There are a number of things you can do to raise children who will choose healthy foods as they get older (all of which I discuss in my book, How Did You Get Him to Eat That?). First, they need to be given healthy foods from the time they are very young, and continue to be given those healthy foods even after they’ve reached the supposed (and mythical) age when they will absolutely refuse to eat anything that is good for them.
Second, they need to see you eating healthy foods. Chances are, if your children never eat vegetables, and crave potato chips, cupcakes, and buttery-cheesy coagulations like Ms. Weidner’s concoction all the time, it’s because you eat those things instead of healthy foods yourself. There’s nothing that makes a parent relent to their child’s short-sighted whims more than the hypocrisy they would feel if they insisted on something that they themselves don’t do.
Third, they need a parent who kindly but firmly insists on responsible behavior, rather than merely taking the path of least resistance and giving your children things that will make you their best friend. If you want to be your child’s friend, do it by looking out for their long-term best interests, and holding to the standards that you want them to internalize for themselves. Teach them how to eat healthfully for life—if you don’t incorporate healthy elements into your child’s diet, who will? Are you expecting that they’ll suddenly crave salad upon their 30th birthday?
Don’t make one recipe and then divide it into two meals. Make one meal that everyone eats. If your child has already developed the habit of refusing to eat things that have vegetables in them, then allow them to continue to do that. But don’t give them anything else. If you spent time making it, and you put the love into your meal choices in the form of “health or whatever,” then your children should be asked to honor and respect that time and that love, and eat what you’ve made. If they don’t want to eat it, you don’t have to get angry. Just kindly let them know that you’ll wrap it up and put it in the refrigerator so that when they get hungry, they can heat it up. No dessert if they don’t eat it. No other foods until they’ve finished what you’ve provided. If they hold out until the end of the day, start over the next day with a new, healthy meal that they can enjoy with you.
They won’t last more than a day before they sit down and eat what you’ve made. And if that veggie-packed primavera is so good, perhaps they’ll discover that healthy foods can taste delicious, and you’ll be on the path toward changing their eating habits for the better.
Research that shows that obesity is highly correlated with severe complications from coronavirus, not to mention cardiovascular disease, heart disease, and hypertension, is becoming stronger and more irrefutable by the minute. I’m not fat-shaming, or being “health-ist.” I’m trying to help you increase the chances that your children will grow up to be healthy adults, who then have healthy children, so that you can enjoy healthy grandchildren in your (hopefully healthy) old age. And I’m also hoping that you’ll understand the importance of boundaries and kindly delivered demands for behaviors that will make them good citizens of our earth.
Your child came into this world not knowing anything. She looks to you to learn about how the world is supposed to be. That includes what a person should eat, and how to take care of themselves as they get older. Don’t coddle your children by only giving them what will make them happy now. Guide them and give them what will make them happy for the long term.
