Lessons on Midlife From a Jungian Perspective

Many of us experience difficulties around midlife that are unique and distinct from the challenges of the beginning half of our life. Knowing what the challenges are and ways to manage and cope are essential for setting the stage for a healthy and purposeful late life.

Some of the best writing and insights on the midlife crisis is the Jungian author James Hollis. In his book, The Middle Passage, Hollis lays out some important frameworks for understanding what is happening to us at this stage of life and why it is developmentally and existentially necessary to experience such pain and growth at this phase of life. Below are a series of highlights from his book that may be useful if you are navigating such challenges yourself.

The First Phase of Life Is About Learning What Others Want From You

Hollis distinguishes between the first and second half of life. In the first part, we are ruled by the formation and expectations of others. We grow up in a family with particular values, behaviors and expectations that come to us from the outside. We then come into school and learn what is expected from us by teachers and administrators and what it takes to succeed or fail on these terms.

This is the phase where we need to develop a strong ego to sustain us through these series of tests, expectations, and trials. If we are successful then we may meet the expectations set out by our culture — economic independence, marriage and family, consumer acquisitions and status.

There is nothing wrong with this phase of life and in fact it is quite important to develop ego strength and learn how to fit and adapt into the culture we are born into. This is necessary for survival in the world. But it is not the whole picture.

Learning to Listen to Our Internal Voice

In the second phase of life, Hollis describes a process where new voices or thoughts begin to emerge from within that may challenge or unsettle some of the beliefs in early life. These can occur in many forms. For instance, we may have trained to become an accountant and spent 15 years developing a successful career, but new interests start to emerge, or boredom and job dissatisfaction begin to set in at work. As Hollis argues, many of now change careers at least once in life and this can often appear difficult as it challenges our original intent and vision for our life, a vision put forward in our young mind, or installed by parents or teachers.

These nagging thoughts can occur even if we are successful and have achieved important life milestones. Hollis himself describes his own process where he had achieved his lifelong dream of becoming a professor with a marriage and family at midlife. Everything was supposed to be smooth sailing from there, and yet he felt mechanical and robotic at work. He described work as feeling life a factory system or monotonous labour. He finally realized that he needed to pursue a new calling as a therapist and took great risks to achieve that goal.

Learning to Act Beyond Reflexes and Habits

One of the hallmarks of the midlife crisis is a recognition or feeling of being stuck, having ennui, a lack of zest or passion in life. The stereotype thus fits that many seek out passion through an affair, through re-living youth by giving in to drinking or drugs, or by making outlandish purchases like a new sports car.

One of the reasons why we may seek out novelty is because we have come to live our life reflexively and habitually. We have learned successful habits that allow us to function, but they no longer reflect our intention or true will. We are going through the motions. We may become depressed and seek coping or self-medication to manage this boredom or ennui.

The task at this point is to delve into these feelings of stuckness and see where we may need to make changes or shift perspective. We do not always need to make radical changes at this point in life — like leaving a marriage or leaving a job. In some cases, if we do this without thoughts and intention, we can wind up encountering the same problems in the new job or with the new partner.

The Need to Engage With Broken Illusions

What matters in this process is to fully realize and come to terms with perhaps the disillusionment of youth that no longer is applicable. For instance, we may have thought that having a family would give us fulfillment and unending joy, and instead it is filled with frequent conflict and stress. Or we may have envisioned a smooth fairy tale marriage and you have now encountered romantic or values incompatibilities as you have both evolved separately as individuals.

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Again, this need not lead to the end of a career or relationship, but attending and working through the stuck points, the broken illusions, or the changed values and goals are crucial in navigating this period. As Hollis says, these nagging thoughts from the inside do not go away and tend to get louder as we age. We can numb them through distractions that our culture lays out but a successful passage through midlife requires a more clearheaded and direct engagement with these realities.