Verified by 
Perfectionism
Ready to Quit Your New Year's Resolution?
The solution to failed resolutions may not be what you think. Try this instead.
Posted February 11, 2022 Reviewed by Davia Sills
Key points
- The problem with New Year's resolutions isn't the fact that they often fail; it's that people only make them once per year!
- There is an energy in perfectionism which is either leveraged in your favor or against you, and it's critical to understand the difference.
- Commit with perfection so you can focus all your energy on the goal, but forgive yourself with dignity so you can make adjustments for mistakes.
Did you quit your New Year's resolution about your diet already? If so, chances are your inner critic made all kinds of noise about it. It might have said, "You can't do this; you're pathetic," or, "You should just give up and eat whatever you want. Accept your fate!" Or maybe it said, "Resolutions don't work, so just forget that silly idea! Progress, not perfection, right? Just try to eat a little better and more mindfully. That's all you need to do."
But what if resolutions aren't the problem?
What if the problem is that people quit them the first time they fall down and don't try again until next year? What if the path forward were drawing a clear bullseye and aiming at it with the totality of your being (like most people do in a New Year's resolution) and then persisting beyond mistakes?
I'd like to submit that resolutions are the solution, but only if you're willing to commit with perfection and forgive yourself with dignity if you miss the mark. If your arrow lands outside the bullseye, just assess by how much and in what direction it missed. Then, using that critical feedback, make appropriate adjustments before getting up and aiming again. The name of the game is staying in the game until you win the game.
To accomplish this, you've got to ruthlessly squash that evil voice inside which wants to talk you out of all your goals and dreams each time you make a mistake. The solution to failed New Year's resolutions isn't quitting but rather another resolution, and another, and another! Keep getting up until you stay up!
The power of vision and persistence
In my experience working with well over 1,000 overeaters, I've found that most people severely misunderstand the appropriate way to leverage the energy of perfectionism when they approach a healthy eating goal. The psychology of winners is to purge their minds of doubt and insecurity so they can thoroughly embrace that goal.
When an Olympic archer aims at the bullseye, for example, they must become one with the target. They not only must know exactly where the bullseye begins and ends but actually see the arrow going into it before they let go. They're not thinking, "Maybe I'll hit it, and maybe I won't; I'll just do the best I can," but actually seeing and feeling the arrow hit dead center with the totality of their being while it's still in the bow. Otherwise, all the doubt and insecurity drains precious mental energy, which would be much better focused on the goal.
Staying with this example, when the Olympic archer misses the mark, they don't say, "Oh my god, I'm a pathetic archer and shouldn't have bothered aiming in the first place—I might as well just give up and shoot the rest of the arrows up in the air!" Instead, after a miss, they drop the attitude of perfectionism and switch to one of forgiveness. They treat themselves with dignity as they shift their energy into analysis and appropriate adjustment of their aim for the next shot. Then they get up and aim again. And again!
Winners know human beings are learning machines. They realize if we continue to commit with our whole soul, look the results of our effort squarely in the eye, and make appropriate adjustments, we can't help but continue to get better. The energy of perfectionism is leveraged in our favor if we commit to perfection but forgive ourselves with dignity.
The reason so many people don't reach their goals is that they attempt to use the energy of perfectionism in the exact opposite way: When they're aiming at the goal, they are thinking "progress, not perfection," which leads them to less-than-clearly define the goal and to waste precious energy on the possibility of failure before they've even taken aim. Then, when they miss, they let their inner critics leverage the energy of perfectionism against them by saying something like, "If you're not perfect, you're nothing, and you might as well just quit!"
New Year's resolutions aren't the problem. Making them just once per year is!
For more tips and techniques to overcome overeating and achieve other goals, please see "How to Stop Binge Eating in Three Unusual Steps."
