Ditch New Year’s Resolutions and Write This List Instead

If you’re a high performer who sets big goals for yourself, the holiday season can have you dwelling in resolution regret.

December can be a stressful time of year for busy professionals. Not only do we have overloaded to-do lists with extra holiday shopping, meal planning, family dinners, and Secret Santa gift exchanges…

That inner perfectionist can heap on extra stress when we look back and feel like we’ve failed on our New Year’s resolutions.

An executive coaching client of mine, for instance, asked during one of our sessions “Why can’t I find time to prioritize my health?” She told me how her goal for the year had been to find more time to exercise, but as a busy investment analyst, her life reliably got in the way. She’d have her bag packed in the backseat of her car with her Lululemons and favorite Nikes so she could swing by the gym on her way home from work, but then her daughter would get sick at school and she’d have to pick her up. Or there’d be a last-minute email from a client that would keep her late, and she could never find the time to consistently go to the gym.

And she’s not alone. We’ve probably all read the motivation-crushing claim that 80% of New Year’s Resolutions fail by the end of January. One of the most common New Year’s resolutions? To get in shape or lose weight. An analysis of data from apps that track gym attendance found that in 2018 gym attendance jumped by 4% the first and second week in January, then rapidly declined back down to average. That probably won’t surprise you if you’ve ever had to stand in line for an elliptical on January 3rd, but by the 23rd you could change machines every five minutes if you wanted to because the gym feels abandoned again.

I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions. And as a neuroscientist, I know a lot of my colleagues don’t either.

Why? Because resolutions can be bad for our brains.

Your brain is designed to keep you safe. What feels safe and fantastic for our brains? When we hit our goals.

When you set a goal, follow through, and achieve success, it triggers your brain’s reward systems. Say you have 5 things on your to-do list, you work hard all day, and you check all 5 things off. It feels good, right? Because those successes release a neurotransmitter called dopamine. Which stimulates the reward circuitry in your brain. Your brain says “Wow that felt awesome” and you’re much more likely to set that goal or a similar one again. This dopaminergic reward system plays a role in learning. When we do a behavior that’s rewarded (like successfully checking off our to-do list), we’re more likely to do it again. And when we have repeat wins, it can make us feel more confident to try that goal again in the future.

What doesn’t feel safe or amazing for our brains? When we fail to hit our goals. When we have setbacks.

No win = no dopamine. What if I have 5 things on my to-do list and I only get through 3 because the printer broke down and I had 42 urgent emails to suddenly deal with? Yes, checking off three things is great, but our brains don’t see it that way. Instead, especially for high achievers and those of us recovering perfectionists, our brains tend to focus on the 2 things we didn’t check off. And this stress, this tendency to dwell on our failures can activate our brain’s chronic stress system.

This can cause a rebound effect which makes it even harder to achieve our goals. For example, in one study dieters who thought they “ruined” their diets by eating more pizza than other participants ate 50% more cookies immediately afterwards than those not on diets at all.

Instead of writing resolutions this year do this: Write a 2023 Done List

Step #1 - Grab a pen and paper

Step #2 - Pull up your 2023 calendar

Step #3 - Write down all your wins from 2023: The things you accomplished. The projects you finished. The compliment you got from your colleague after you nailed a presentation. The special moments with your family. All the times you made a deadline. Write them down.

Why this works: Our brains like to focus on where we feel we’re not measuring up, especially this time of year. And that can keep us stuck in resolution regret. Feeling like we’re never working hard enough.

A Done List refocuses that judgy inner critic on your wins and successes, so you can start 2024 feeling refreshed, motivated, and confident.