How to Get a Loved One the Help They Deserve

Source: Image by Jackson David from Pixabay

One of the most frequent questions we receive is how one can supportively connect a partner to professional mental health services. This is often a complex scenario that can be complicated by factors like a person refusing to acknowledge that they are having a problem in the first place or rejecting the idea of receiving help. Such a sensitive situation should be handled with tact and care.

We first want to acknowledge that dealing with a partner who has a mental illness such as clinical depression can be very challenging. It is difficult to see your loved one suffer, but especially difficult if they refuse to get help. There can be a tendency to cover for the affected partner and pick up the slack to keep the peace. By not addressing the issue head-on, well-meaning intentions can make things worse.

There are many serious adverse outcomes of untreated mental illness, including substance abuse, severe impairment in daily functioning, and even suicide. Waiting to get help is not the answer – not only because of its effect on the impacted individual but also due to the negative implications for the relationship itself. Studies show that the more prolonged mental health conditions such as depression go untreated, the more likely it is that a negative outcome will ensue, including broken relationships.

A concerned partner has the duty to put their foot down – albeit in a supportive, gentle, non-accusatory way – and insists that their loved one demonstrate actions that support good health for themselves and the entire family. While you must show that you care, it is also fair to empathize with how your partner’s mental illness negatively affects the emotional well-being of you and your children.

Suggesting that your partner discuss the issue with their trusted primary care physician or family doctor is always a good place to start. Primary care physicians (PCPs) are used to dealing with the emotional issues of their patients and can help make referrals to therapists and counselors, should that be clinically indicated. You can also be in the examining room to share your perspectives about the symptoms and changes you have witnessed. That being said, there may be things your partner would want to discuss without you in the room, so be sure to provide space for them to talk with the PCP alone, as well.

Remember, stay empathetic and non-judgmental as you approach your loved ones with a plan to tackle their depression together. Here’s what that may sound like:

I’m concerned about you being so tired lately and about your spirits being down these past few weeks. It’s so unlike you. It’s impacting you, and it’s impacting our family. I care deeply about you, and I firmly believe that you deserve to feel better. I think Dr. Jones will be able to help. Can I call and make an appointment? Next Monday or Tuesday works for me if you’d like for me to accompany you.

It is vitally important that you make time to take care of yourself during this difficult time. It’s all too common for spouses and caregivers to pour themselves emotionally into taking care of the person who is depressed. By doing so, they can lose focus on taking care of themselves. That is not a good situation for either party. Resentment may build, and this can add to everyone’s stress level. So, make sure to demonstrate the same love, care, and compassion to yourself as you are providing to your partner.

For immediate help in the U.S., 24/7: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK. Outside of the U.S., visit the International Resources page for suicide hotlines in your country. To find a therapist near you, see the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.