6 Ways to Take Control Back From Anger

Don't let anger take over your life

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According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 85 percent of all diseases have a link to your emotional state. That means how you feel has an impact on your physical health. Sustained, chronic anger wrecks your health. Angry people live shorter, unhealthier, and unhappier lives. Prolonged and unmanaged anger can result in headaches, digestion problems, insomnia, increased anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, skin problems, and increased risk of heart attack and stroke.

When anger gets to the point of rage, you are no longer in control. Neurologically speaking, the resources available to your brain are limited. Rage has a way of dominating everything else.

I’ve worked with many clients who have said and done things they sorely regret after a bout of anger. Anger siphons all the resources away from the parts of your brain responsible for impulse control, critical thinking, and analysis. When operating from a resource deficit like that, you merely react to whatever is said or done around you. You aren’t functioning at your best because you aren’t in control. You aren’t making choices.

Anger has been thought of as a substitute emotion. Suppose you are feeling vulnerable, but you are not in a position of safety to process those feelings. You can choose to substitute that feeling with anger as a way to protect yourself. This can be healthy, when done in the right context and time, but it can be destructive when over-used in the wrong context and time. If you have an excess of emotional pain, anger can be an effective distraction. People do all sorts of harmful things when they are ill-equipped to deal with intense, overwhelming emotional pain. Some turn to addictive substances like cocaine, heroin, or methamphetamine. Others will self-harm by cutting, cigarette burning, or self-choking. And even others engage in risk-taking behavior like driving recklessly, getting into physical altercations, acting out sexually, or overspending via shopping or gambling. Therefore, you could argue, if getting really angry distracts you from engaging in any one of the listed vices, then go for it.

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Additionally, anger can motivate you to address a problem or grievance. Anger has a way of animating people to action. Feeling sad, anxious, overwhelmed, and fearful can paralyze you, but anger will do the opposite: It gives you the momentum to say the things you are afraid to say. It allows you to voice an uncomfortable opinion and stand up for yourself and others. In this sense, productive anger could be the cure for anesthetized masses.

You could say we don’t feel anger enough. We see a problem, and instead of getting angry and doing something about it, we accept it as it is. We become inoculated to action.

When angry, though, how can you put yourself back in control? Many people try ineffective methods of controlling anger which work at cross purposes to their goal. Ineffective strategies like blowing up or bottling up tend to intensify anger.

Here are a few suggestions on how to control anger:

1. Use proper self-care. Regular exercise, having sex, doing something you enjoy like a hobby, strong connection with friends and family, and a healthy diet all aid in sustaining emotional health. These things act as a buffer to rage.
2. Take time-outs. Giving yourself time to cool off can decrease intense feelings of anger and allow your brain to allocate resources to areas responsible for impulse control and critical thinking. This will give you time to think and evaluate instead of simply reacting.
3. Maintain perspective. See the whole picture. Anger has positives and negatives; it isn’t always bad. This perspective will enable you to make wise choices. Sometimes it is appropriate to express your anger, or to allow it to propel you to action. Other times, cooler heads prevail. The trick is distinguishing between those appropriate and inappropriate times.
4. Have appropriate outlets. Sometimes, you just need to vent: Call a friend, go out to drinks with a co-worker, or do a project with a family member and let it out. Let loose that pent-up frustration in a healthy avenue. Doing something physical to get your frustration out can be helpful as well. Go for a hike, play basketball, get a run in.
5. Self-understand. Anger is a response to something; it doesn’t happen without reason. If you can do the hard work of understanding what triggers your anger, you will be better prepared. Having an understanding and strategy for your triggers will put you in control.
6. Express anger without attacking. Being angry is a normal aspect of life. So is expressing anger. But some do it better than others. Some allow their anger to be a justification to viciously attack another. This is not okay. Being angry doesn’t give license to have a tantrum, be cruel to others, or communicate poorly. Share your feelings, but don’t attack others.