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Key points
- We need to recognize what is worth our attention and what is not.
- It is all too easy to devote attention to things we cannot affect, which wastes our scarce focus.
- The Serenity Prayer helps us focus on what things we can affect and what we should pay attention to.
I've long been a fan of the Serenity Prayer, apart from any particular religious context:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Although it is most often associated with addiction recovery, the basic ideas in the Serenity Prayer are relevant to a number of other things, such as the illusory choice behind "choosing" romantic partners and connections to other bodies of thought, such as the Taoist concept of wei wu wei.
It occurred to me recently, when my mind was wandering to and fro, that the Serenity Prayer is also relevant to our current problems with maintaining focused attention, which has received enormous scholarly and popular, um, attention in recent years. (I've meant to write about it for the longest time, but I keep getting distracted.) Many of us struggle to reclaim our attention these days when there are so many things claiming it, from the never-ending news cycle reporting on crises erupting around the world to social media pushing post after post—oh, there's a new one now (made you look!)—to ordinary things in our personal lives that we just can't seem to stop dwelling on, such as arguments with our partners, family, or boss.
Let's look at the three main parts of the Serenity Prayer to see how each addresses our issues with attention. (And don't look at your phone—what did I just say?)
Accept the Things I Cannot Change
Applied to attention, this line cautions us not to dedicate too much attention to things that we cannot affect. I say "too much" because it is perfectly reasonable, even ethically required, to pay some attention to what's going on in the world around you in order to be a well-rounded and informed member of society. What's more, you never know when you might actually be able to affect things, even if it's just helping someone else be better informed, donating to a worthy cause, writing to your elected leaders, joining a protest, or simply voting.
Courage to Change the Things I Can
However, it is all too easy to go too far and devote so much of your attention to following the news that you fall behind on your commitments and goals—things you definitely have an effect on. Sometimes, this takes the form of rationalized procrastination: You say to yourself, "I need to finish this task, but I have to keep an eye on the news for an update on... something." Of course, you don't "have to" do this, and you may really "have to" finish a task you're committed to, but it is all too easy to excuse procrastination for this "good reason." As important as world events are—much more important than your insignificant little task, you might tell yourself—you have a much greater effect on your task and the people who are counting on you to complete it (even if that someone is "only" you).
Wisdom to Know the Difference
This is the toughest part, as always. As I said above, some news is worth paying attention to if we want to be informed and responsible citizens and human beings. But we need to be aware of when we're devoting attention to the news truly to keep up with important events and when we're simply doing it out of habit, boredom, or avoidance. There's no trick to this, but it starts with being honest with yourself and using your best judgment to decide what to pay attention to and what to ignore (no matter how tempting).
It's Not Just About the News
This use of the Serenity Prayer does not apply only to excessive attention spent on news and current events. It applies very well to social media, which is designed precisely to capture your attention for the sake of advertisers, and for that reason, is very hard to pull away from—unless you're aware of the problem, which is the first step.
It also applies to things going on in our personal lives, such as conflicts with friends, family, or people at work. Even if we've decided (perhaps wisely) that action isn't called for in a particular conflict, we can still spend a lot of time obsessing about what we would say or do if we decided it was good to do so. I can't tell you how many hundreds of hours I've spent practicing the perfect comeback or slam-dunk argument for someone I'm currently at odds with. Of course, if I can change things by speaking up, I should do so, but if I've decided not to do anything, this attention on what I would do or say "if I did" is wasted, delaying my progress on important goals and projects.
In the end, the most important thing to devote attention to is recognizing what things we should devote attention to. Then, "all we have to do" is stick to it, preserving our scarce attention for the things we can affect—which is really a matter of keeping commitments to yourself out of self-respect, a topic discussed in this recent post.*
* Did I just encourage you to read yet another Psychology Today post? Obviously, this is always a good use of time and attention, so go ahead.
