Verified by 
Despite high profile love affairs between senior women and their much younger lovers, it does not appear to be a trend that will reverse the nursing home paradigm – women growing old alone. Analyst for the Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behavior, Professor Edward O. Laumann said to me in an interview: “The more sexually active men will die in the arms of a younger woman, whereas older women often die alone in nursing homes.” Should more senior women be dating younger men? What is age appropriate? Why are women alone in nursing homes?
Despite movies such as "The Graduate," the cult film, "Harold and Maude," and "White Palace," younger men-older women relationships seem to receive more scrutiny, particularly in Hollywood, than older men-younger women.
Demi Moore was 42 and Ashton Kutcher just 27 when they married. Although they became a poster couple, her endless stream of Twitter togetherness photos became tedious. On the other hand Susan Sarandon, 68, kept her romance with Jonathan Bricklin, 37, fairly secret. Ironically, their love came tumbling down recently with the very public reality series, “Connected.” But it now appears to be an on-again off-again relationship.
Age appropriate senior women-young men and boundary violations
While some women find it exciting to have a younger man on their arms, in fact, research from Buuk et al (2001) reported:
“. . . women preferred partners of their own age, regardless of their own age and regardless of the level of relationship involvement.”
According to their study, published in "Evolution and Human Behavior," a reasonable measure of age appropriateness; that is, a socially acceptable age difference, is defined by the half-your-age-plus-7 rule. So, it you are 50, your partner should be at least 32. For a full discussion of this read Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D. in “Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date?"
However, my own answer to the age question when women ask me is quite simple: “If you are old enough to have given birth to him, he’s too young for you.” It becomes a matter of whether or not the young man could have been playing with your child in the nursery school sandbox.
No matter what one’s age, when it comes to students, teachers, and professors- boundary violations are totally inappropriate. I have yet to hear a good excuse as to how someone in a position of authority can justify violating the student-teacher trust.
The boy-toy question and men "trading up"
At a recent event, I was surprised when a former high school football star -- whom my nephew knew from college -- sought me out. At first he began telling me about his girlfriend. When he finally confessed that the relationship had recently come to stormy end he said boldly, “I’d like to be your boy-toy. I’ve never met anyone like you.” And looking into his eyes, all I could reply was the obvious, “That’s because you do not date mothers or grandmothers.”
In relating the experience to friends, I learned many secrets of their own younger man experiences. While the women felt sheepish about their flings, male friends were happy to report on their sexual prowess.
There are several reasons that men seek the company of younger women, who are perhaps more sexually active than women of their own age. The little blue pill is a great motivator. Dr. Laumann said that men turning to younger women may have to do with improved health, a longer life span, and Viagra. The Global Study on Sexuality, of which Dr. Laumann was an analyst, surveyed 27,500 men and women 40 to 80 in 29 countries.
In terms of the prevalence of sexual activity, (Lindau, Schrumm, Laumann, 2007) reported on a national probability sample of 3005 U.S. adults (1550 women and 1455 men) 57 to 85 years of age. They described the following associations:
The prevalence of sexual activity declined with age (73% among respondents who were 57 to 64 years of age, 53% among respondents who were 65 to 74 years of age, and 26% among respondents who were 75 to 85 years of age); women were significantly less likely than men at all ages to report sexual activity. . . . [concluding]. Many older adults are sexually active. Women are less likely than men to have a spousal or other intimate relationship and to be sexually active.
Despite his words that “women die alone in nursing homes,” other researches give us hope.
“Women’s sexuality will forever be a complicated, multi-dimensional phenomenon. Each patient, no matter what her past history or medical status can maximize her sexual function and work to find her unique recipe for sexual pleasure.” (Goldstein 2006, p 699)
Researchers often note that while men talk to their physicians about sex, women are less likely to do so. Pondering the above statement, it seems that the "one-size-fits-all' drug flibanserin dubbed "pink Viagra" for women may not be the cure-all. Succinctly put, "The Atlantic" said: “Some argue that a female sexual-dysfunction drug is a matter of equality among the sexes. Others say it creates a medical problem where none exists.” Whether or not “pink Viagra” will make a difference in terms of sexual activity that keeps women with partners, instead of alone in nursing homes, remains to be seen.
Just a thought on the younger man-older woman relationship -- although the loving arms of a young teddy bear may be comforting -- good sex may not be enough to bridge the daily conversation and friendship gap.
Copyright 2015 Rita Watson
References
Buunk, B. P., Dijkstra, P., Kenrick, D. T., & Warntjes, A. (2001). Age preferences for mates as related to gender, own age, and involvement level. Evolution and Human Behavior, 22, 241-250.
Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D., Who Is Too Young or Too Old for You to Date? 2014, PsychologyToday.com
Stacy Tessler Lindau, M.D., M.A.P.P., L. Philip Schumm, M.A., Edward O. Laumann, Ph.D., Wendy Levinson, M.D., Colm A. O'Muircheartaigh, Ph.D., and Linda J. Waite, Ph.D. ) A Study of Sexuality and Health among Older Adults in the United States, N Engl J Med 2007; 357:762-774 August 23, 2007 DOI: 10.1056/NEJMoa067423
Goldstein, I., Meston, C., Davis, S., Traish, A., "Epidemiology of female sexual dysfunction: Prevalence data in the USA," In Women's Sexual Function and Dysfunction: Study, Diagnosis and Treatment. UK: Taylor and Francis, 2006.
The Atlantic: Do Women Need Their Own Viagra?, Dec. 18, 2014
