How to Build Body Acceptance

It is natural to dislike things about our bodies and focus on these perceived inadequacies along with our limitations and all we think we cannot do. Sometimes our thoughts may be somewhat accurate.

For example, chronic pain, or an injury, may limit how far you can walk or run. Yet, self-judgmental thoughts are rarely helpful or flexible.

The more inaccurate and/or inflexible our body-related thoughts are, the more dissatisfied and distressed we tend to be about our bodies. Inflexible thinking backs us into a mental corner. It takes away options and possibilities and tells us that we must look, or do things, a certain way to be content.

In general, helpful thoughts are realistic, flexible, and adaptable, and allow us to adapt our behavior to different circumstances, and feel more accepting of our bodies.

Two potentially problematic types of thoughts to look out for are “If, then” and “If I don’t, then” statements. For example, “If I use a cane to help me walk, then people will think I am weak and incapable” or “If I gain weight, then my partner will think I am ugly” or “If I don’t exercise five days a week, then I won’t be happy.”

Identifying Unhelpful Body-Related Thoughts

Take a moment to think about, and write down, responses to these questions:

• Did I experience any negative events in the past related to my body/appearance? If so, what may I have learned from this?
• What requirements do I expect myself to meet related to my body/appearance?
• Are there things I tell myself I must or should do regarding my body/appearance? Or must never do?

Next, using your responses to the above questions as a guide, write down a list of your body-related thoughts.

Changing Unhelpful Body-Related Thoughts

1. Identify the specific body-related thought you would like to change. You may want to start with the thought that is impacting you the most or the one that you think may be the easiest to change.

2. Ask yourself, “Where did this thought come from?” and “Why is it still here?” Often our thoughts are based on our past experiences, and help us make sense of the world. Your thought may have made sense at the time you developed it, yet may be less helpful now. You can consider, “What are the benefits of living by this thought?” and “What are the disadvantages?”

3. Ask yourself, “What impact does this thought have on my mood and my life?”

• How does the thought impact your thinking overall, your feelings, and your behaviors?
• How does it impact your relationships?
• How does it impact your ability to do activities you value?
• How does it impact your sense of contentment and satisfaction?

4. Ask yourself, “In what ways is this thought unrealistic, inaccurate, or inflexible?

• What is the evidence for and against your thought?
• Are you making assumptions or predictions that are inaccurate, or somewhat inaccurate?
• Are the standards you are trying to live by actually realistic and achievable?
• Is it possible others may think differently than you do about your body/appearance?
• Do the disadvantages of this thought outweigh the advantages?

5. Create a more balanced, flexible, and helpful thought. Think about someone you care about saying your thoughts aloud. What would you say to them about that thought? Would you encourage them to use less critical language or adopt a broader perspective?

Create a thought that sounds believable to you, yet is also flexible and helpful. For instance, you may change the thought “If I use a cane to help me walk, then people will think I am weak and incapable” to “Using a cane helps me be more mobile and independent.” Or, you could change the thought “If I don’t exercise five days a week, then I won’t be happy” to “Physically moving helps my mood and there are many ways to move. I don’t have to move a set amount to be happy.”

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6. Ask yourself, “What can I do to put this new thought into practice?” What would you do differently based on your more helpful thought? Our thoughts become more robust and helpful when we follow them with helpful behaviors. Then, practice letting your new thoughts guide your behavior.