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Self-Control
The Secret to Keeping Your New Year's Resolution
The real reason you don't keep your resolutions isn't lack of willpower.
Posted March 2, 2017
This is a guest post by Shelley Pernot, author of Running on Empty, The Irreverent Guru's Guide to Filling Up with Mindfulness.
If you’re like millions of folks across the globe, chances are you set a New Year’s resolution. And if you’re like most folks, you probably won’t keep it either. Some statistics say your chances are a mere 8%, which is not super inspiring. It must be a lack of willpower or resolve, right?
As a life coach I see this quite a bit. A client will set themselves a task for homework and when the next session comes, they just haven’t found the time to do it. When the question why is asked, it’s not uncommon to hear things like “I know I should be doing it, but time just got away from me.”
Believe it or not, the real reason you won’t keep your New Year’s resolution isn’t a lack of willpower or resolve. It’s that you’ve gotten yourself stuck in the subtle but sneaky trap of should. I should cut down on drinking, I should quit smoking, I should save more money, I should be nicer to my kids, I should be more organized.
We should all over ourselves all the time.
The bottom line is that we make time for the things that are really important. We don’t however make time for the shoulds. That’s why they are shoulds. They are often the things we THINK we need to do because someone said it was a good idea, or your mom told you to do it, or you heard about it on TV, or read about it in Cosmo at the nail salon and thought it would be a good idea.
Then we inevitably miss the mark on whatever it is we think we should be doing, and spend countless hours beating ourselves up over it and feeling guilty. Sound familiar?
When I hear a lot of shoulds from a client I start asking questions about what’s really important. If you can connect a should to something that’s really important to you (the why), you have a much better chance of actually doing it. Let me give you an example:
For a long time I thought I should go to boot camp in the morning. Despite buying the fancy shoes and designer work out tops I never went, even though I kept telling myself over and over again I should go because it would be good for my health. Now I think about it differently. One of my most important goals is to be the best life coach I can be for my clients. Boot camp is incredibly energizing and when I go I feel so much better the rest of the day. I’m more focused, have more energy for my clients and show up in the way I want to be seen by others. So yes boot camp is good for my health, but I really go because it makes me a better coach. See the difference? Once I made that connection I started going, and I haven’t stopped for over a year now, and all this despite the fact it’s been really cold lately in the mornings and I HATE the cold…
So, if you’ve fallen off the wagon, so to speak, in 2017, there’s still time to get back up on that trusty horse. What’s your why? Feel free to add in the comments section here or on Facebook.
Shelley Pernot is a coach and trainer who is dedicated to helping people tap into their inner compass so they can live a life filled with passion and purpose. She is a certified hatha yoga instructor and the author of Running on Empty: The Irreverent Guru’s Guide to Filling up with Mindfulness. Click here to get a free copy of chapter two, which is all about discovering your why.
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