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Key points
- If an adult child is struggling, it's important for parents to create a safe space for them.
- Frame your help as a partnership to get them back on track.
- The best thing you can do is offer support without judgment—and listen more than you speak.
Parents often struggle to step back and let their adult children navigate life's challenges. However, when a once vibrant and optimistic adult child becomes withdrawn or shows signs of distress, it’s essential to recognize the subtle cries for help.
Based on my coaching parents of struggling adult children, here are five signs your adult child may be struggling and how you can offer support.
1. Withdrawal From Family and Friends
Scenario: Emma, a 28-year-old graphic designer, used to be the life of the party at family gatherings. She always organized weekend trips with friends and kept in touch with everyone. Lately, however, her phone calls have become infrequent, and she makes excuses to avoid family dinners. When asked how she’s doing, she responds, “I’m just tired; work’s been hectic,” but you sense there’s more to it.
How to Help: Approach the adult child empathetically. Express your concern without being intrusive. A simple “I’ve noticed you seem a bit distant lately. Is everything OK?” can open the door for her to share what’s on their mind. If they're not ready to talk, tell them you’re there whenever they are. Sometimes, just knowing that someone cares can make all the difference.
2. Sudden Changes in Mood or Behavior
Scenario: A 30-year-old teacher, Ben has always been even-tempered and laid-back. Recently, he’s become irritable and prone to outbursts over minor issues. He lashes out at his partner, Sarah, and has even started avoiding social interactions. Sarah mentions that Ben has been staying up late, scrolling through social media, and drinking more than usual.
How to Help: Mood swings and behavior changes can be signs of underlying stress, anxiety, or depression. Instead of confronting an adult angrily, wait for a calm moment to express your observations. You might say, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed more on edge lately. Is there something bothering you?” Encourage them to seek professional help if necessary and reassure them that reaching out for support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
3. Struggles With Work or Finances
Scenario: Mia, 26, has always been responsible for her finances, but recently, she’s started borrowing money from family members and falling behind on bills. She’s expressed frustration with her job but hasn’t made any moves to find a new one. Her once meticulous budgeting has fallen by the wayside, and she seems overwhelmed by even small financial decisions.
How to Help: Financial difficulties can be a source of immense stress, especially for young adults trying to establish independence. In Mia's case, practical support is provided by helping her create a budget or exploring job opportunities together. It would be important not to take over or make her feel judged; instead, you can frame your help as a partnership to get her back on track.
4. Neglecting Personal Care
Scenario: Alex, a 32-year-old software developer, has always been proud of his appearance and health. Lately, though, he’s stopped going to the gym, his clothes are often wrinkled, and he’s lost interest in activities he once loved. He brushes it off when you ask him about it, saying he’s just been too busy.
How to Help: Neglecting personal care can signify more profound emotional struggles. In this case, I'd recommend you approach your child respectfully and express your concern non-judgmentally. You might say, “Alex, I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately. I’m here if you need to talk.” Encourage him to take small steps to get back into his routine and suggest activities you can do together, like walking or cooking a healthy meal.
5. Constant Negative Self-Talk
Scenario: Jessica, 29, was once full of confidence and ambition, but lately, she’s been putting herself down constantly. She frequently says things like, “I’m just not good enough,” or “I’ll never get it right.” Her self-esteem has taken a hit, and it’s clear that she’s lost faith in her abilities.
How to Help: Negative self-talk can erode a person’s self-worth and lead to a downward spiral. When an adult child voices these thoughts, gently challenge them by reminding them of their strengths and accomplishments. Encourage them to reframe their thinking and suggest speaking to a therapist who can help them develop healthier thought patterns.
Final Thoughts
If your adult child is showing signs of struggle, the best thing you can do is offer support without judgment. Remember, it’s important to listen more than you speak and to create a safe space for them to open up. Sometimes, being present and showing unconditional love is the most significant help you can provide.
Facebook image: Gladskikh Tatiana/Shutterstock
