5 Words to Stop You from Living with Regret

Regret can really stifle joy in life because it leads to feeling disempowered. That's because regret further causes us to feel shame, sadness, or remorse about decisions we've made in our lives. Sometimes regret can contribute to anxiety about the future or sadness (perhaps even depression) about the past. And we all certainly know people who are angry, bitter, and unpleasant all around, because they can't let go of regret!

If you want to stop crying over the spilled milk in your life, then consider cleaning yourself up by tapping into the timeless wisdom of five words below from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"All life is an experiment."

The rest of this quote adds even more sparks for empowerment and resilience:

"The more experiments you make, the better."

When you start to see life as a series of experiences and experiments, then you begin to let go of regret. You realize that there is no such thing as a mistake-free life. Emerson's words inspire us to have the heart of a learner versus wearing the heart of a wounded person on our sleeves.

My adult counseling clients find that seeing life as a series of experiments fosters grit and resilience. It's amazing how well children and teens respond to learning to reframe setbacks and disappointments into new learning opportunities! Their receptiveness to the positive psychology activities found in my latest book, The Stress Survival Guide for Teens, has been personally very rewarding for me to see.

How great it would be if we can teach the younger generation to stop beating themselves up! And let's not forget that, as adults, we also can go a long way in helping ourselves to be more self-compassionate, too!

4 More Ways to Extinguish the Fires of Regret

So, with Ralph Waldo Emerson's wisdom having your back, you have a new attitude available to you. Here are some additional tips to stop regret from getting the best of you.

1. Accept that we all make mistakes. Remember that the only perfect people are in the cemetery! Your regret demonstrates that you care.

Stop being stuck on that past relationship that did not work out or that house you bought and lost money on when you resold it. Stop beating yourself up for not being one of the "perfect people" portrayed by celebrities or even your acquaintances on social media.

2. Focus on gratitude. Write about things each day that you value and appreciate. Spend more time and energy thinking about the positive than the negative. You’ll notice a gradual shift in feeling calmer, freer, and happier.

To begin getting into a gratitude mindset, start a journal. Or, if you are not a journaling type of person, then search out the new gratitude apps that can be found on your electronic device. As another way to bask in appreciation for all the good stuff in your life, create a gratitude jar, and keep adding sticky notes to it to fill it up.

3. Embrace your personal strengths. Pause and take stock. How did you get to where you are in life? What attracts people to you? What makes you funny, loving, reliable, smart, interesting, or a multitude of other desirable things?

Own up to your values and contributions. Still stuck? Check out this sample shown below and see if any resonate with you:

• Enthusiastic
• Trustworthy
• Creative
• Disciplined
• Patient
• Respectful
• Determined
• Dedicated
• Honest
• Versatile
• Witty
• Open-minded

4. Apologize, and forgive yourself. Regret and resentment keep you emotionally constipated (a term I'd like to think I've coined, or at least popularized, yet there are much more dignified routes to fame) by being locked into negative thoughts and emotions.

Allow yourself the freedom to accept your imperfections, mistakes, and lapses of better judgment. Apologize to those impacted and value your ability to learn and grow as you move forward. Think of all the times where you fell short but later came up large, redeemed yourself, and moved on!

Let's conclude with one of my favorite poems, which is packed with wisdom for letting go of negative thoughts:

Gratitude Essential Reads

How to Focus on the Positive

What I Learned from One Trip Around the Ferris Wheel

An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves.”

“One is Evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.”

“The other is Good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

“The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old chief simply replied, “The one you feed.”

—Author Unknown