Stop Bullying Before It Turns Lethal

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Liddle Mike Pence, Crooked Hillary, Sleepy Joe, and Sloppy Chris Christie is juvenile name-calling and bullying behavior. For some people, it's okay to verbally and emotionally abuse opponents, enemies, and people you just don't like. The rules of social decorum and treating others as you would like to be treated have been effectively quashed in many homes, businesses, and public settings.

From 2017 to 2019, the percentage of youth, aged 12–18, who reported being bullied increased, and this means more than a half million more children are facing emotional, verbal, or physical abuse in schools. Over 25 percent of females and 19 percent of males reported having been bullied.

These statistics reflect the numbers of those who admit to being bullied. There are likely many more kids who do not admit to having been bullied for a variety of reasons.

Bullying isn’t something that just happens on the playground. It’s occurring throughout the schools—in the classrooms (47 percent), the hallways (39 percent), the cafeteria (26 percent), outside the school (20 percent), in locker rooms and restrooms (11 percent), and in the school bus (10 percent). Just under 16 percent of kids who have been bullied report being victims of cyberbullying. And 41 percent of all those who have been victimized believe it will happen again.

Unfortunately, bullying that moves from the schoolyard to cyberspace can lead to even more serious well-being outcomes. Social media opens up a space where teachers don’t intervene and rules for what is okay and not okay to post are virtually non-existent. Everyone who uses social media, email, or text messaging knows the thrill that a “ping” can bring when someone leaves a post or sends a text.

Text Tones Give Us a Thrill and an Endorphin Boost

There’s a thrill that people feel when they are notified of a text—whether it’s a favorite text tone or a vibration, the excitement of a message’s arrival sparks a jolt of dopamine, the feel-good chemical. The sound of a text message arriving can make us feel important, connected, loved, or simply that we matter enough to someone that they sent us a text.

Imagine if that message alert contained a taunt or insult. That same sound would now incite negative feelings, including terror and fear if you’re being cyberbullied by someone.

When the Text Tone Feels Like an Electric Shock: A Dose of Cortisol

The pleasure of a comment on a social media page or the vibration of an incoming text can be totally transformed into a cortisol-stimulating reaction, rather than an endorphin-generating pleasure. The sound of the text tone is like an electric shock and the body goes into fight, flight, or freeze, as cortisol races through the body. Cyberbullying follows a child from the schoolyard to extracurricular activities to social settings to their bedroom. While face-to-face bullying ends when the child reaches home, cyberbullying is around the clock, wherever you go, the bully can find you.

In too many tragic cases, bullying becomes so overwhelming that suicide is seen as the only way to escape the harassment. Bullying is most common in middle schools and the suicide rate for young teens has risen dramatically.

Since 2008, the rate of adolescent suicide doubled, and bullied children are twice as likely to attempt to take their own lives. Suicide is the second leading cause of death for youth aged 10-14, which captures the middle school-aged children, and those 15-24. Suicide should never be viewed as a solution to a problem for anyone, regardless of their age.

From Name-Calling to Pump Faking

A recent news story by ProPublica described the role social media is likely playing in the problem. The story indicated that since 2018, older teens, from 15 to 19, have experienced a 91 percent increase in death by homicide.

The rate for younger teens is also rising. Social media posts are being called out for their role in communicating threats, as in the case of two 16-year-olds who lost their lives when rival crew members were making threats and pump-faking online.

Pump faking is the term used to describe threatening behaviors face-to-face, such as a person reaching for a non-existent gun in the waistband of their pants or making online threats that may be posted as big-talking threats—until the pump faker meets the target of their threats and perpetrates violence, including homicide, towards their target to save face and prove their threats were not idle.

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Helping Protect Children

In a world where politicians have not just utilized but glorified, bullying behaviors, through taunts and name-calling, a door has opened for others to stampede through with verbal harassment, hate symbols, slurs, and the belief that in-groups trump out-groups. They rely on debasement and violence to prove their point. Ugly behavior, discrimination and harassment, and outright assault on others based on identity have all become normalized for a large swath of people.

What can parents do to protect their kids from this trickle-down effect? First, be the kind of role model your children can learn from. Practice prosocial skills like respect and empathy and call out disrespect and bullying behaviors in others. Help your children understand the value of kindness and the damage name-calling can do.

If your own child’s behavior changes, they show anxiety about going to school or are withdrawn and show symptoms of depression at home, check in with your child. If normal behavior or typical mood changes, open up the lines of communication a little further. Make it safe for them to talk to you about what they’re feeling, thinking, and experiencing.

Listen to your children and if they reveal information that suggests they are being bullied, believe them. Don’t ask them directly if they are being bullied; bring up the subject in a tangential way, such as “I’ve heard bullying is really increasing in the schools around here. Is this happening in your school?” “I’m kind of worried, are any kids treating you unfairly at school?”

You know your own child best, choose the best way to go about gathering the best information.

Encourage Your Child to Safely Assist Others

Research shows that if a bystander intervenes in a bullying episode, there is more than a 50 percent chance the bullying will cease within 10 seconds. Help your own children model pro-social behavior through being kind to others, treating everyone, no matter how different they may be, with respect and inclusive behaviors—always being willing to see the world through the other child’s eyes.

Empathy is a powerful skill and one that keeps the guardrails in place no matter the venue.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help, dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.