Why Women Are So Frustrated Right Now

Women are leading men in levels of frustration these days, according to a recently published Time/Harris poll. In fact, “frustrated” was the most-frequently selected adjective to describe women’s current feelings.

The gender divide related to negative emotions didn’t stop at frustration. Women also scored higher than men on feeling tired, anxious, and sad. Life hasn’t been easy for anyone lately, but women seem to be carrying a disproportionately heavy load. Ironically, the most frequently selected feeling for men was "hopeful." Men also reported feeling more confident, excited, and proud than women.

While much of this survey related to large-scale issues such as the economy, politics, and international events, the sharp divide between men and women on frustration and optimism was significantly striking.

Frustration and Pessimism

Frustration asks, “What is the point?”

Frustration is a feeling related to annoyance or upset, but it also carries with it an acknowledgment that the person has little or no power to change the situation they face. We may take action to express our frustration, but there may be no true resolution to the issue generating our distress. When an obstacle seems insurmountable, we may find ourselves tumbling into the pits of hopelessness — a painful place to land.

Frustration can lead us to a place of pessimism as well. Pessimism suggests the absence of hope and a lack of belief in better days being ahead.

Hope and Optimism

Hope, on the other hand, is a highly positive feeling that focuses us on the belief that something good will indeed occur. While there is a saying that “hope is not a strategy,” hope is at least fuel to keep the fire of forward momentum going. Hope is linked to optimism and a sense of expectancy that conditions will improve and the fight is still worth it.

Optimism affirms, “Better days are ahead.”

Gender and Emotional States

While people might want to claim that women are “more emotional” than men, research suggests that people do not differ much in the level of emotions experienced; what does often differ is how the expression of emotions occurs. Socialization starts when a child enters the world, and when a person breaks those unspoken rules for emotional expression, it gets noticed. In fact, research (Van Doren & Soto, 2021) shows that the more women express their anger, for example, the greater the intrapersonal cost and the likelihood of depression.

During the pandemic, women’s overall levels of stress and frustration were on the rise. As noted in an article in Dialogues in Health, researchers found that women had been disproportionately affected by the pandemic (Purvis et al., 2022). Men’s lives showed less disruption while women exhibited greater anxiety and stress, as they were often left with the lead roles in family caregiving, household responsibilities, and basic support of the family unit. Their top areas of disruption included family finances, being isolated from support systems, caring for their families, and overall emotional well-being. Each individual experienced these issues to lesser or greater extents, but women who had families depending on them to keep the world spinning therefore likely experienced higher levels of distress.

Frustration is a normal reaction to situations in which needs are not being met and corrective actions cannot be taken. Unfortunately, much of what is driving women’s frustration right now are "big-ticket" items that cannot be easily addressed.

Dealing With Frustration

Whether it’s feelings related to abortion access, loss of jobs, or rising prices and shrinking wages, dealing with frustration can be challenging. There is little we can do to shift systems so big; however, grassroots activism can be a powerful and productive way to express frustration with conditions and move towards constructive change.

Women's sense of autonomy may have been further jeopardized by increasing efforts to ban abortion and swirling commentary about bans on many forms of birth control, as well. As women's ability to control their bodies seems to be shrinking, their roles as caregivers may be subject to unexpected increases and complicating circumstances beyond their control.

Frustration is about feeling that nothing you can do can make a difference or that there's an obstacle you must find a way to overcome. Finding concrete ways to work toward change can be a way to channel feelings that could otherwise potentially lead to compromised well-being down the road.

Finding others who share your feelings and offering mutual support is also helpful. There is also power in numbers; as Margaret Mead noted, the only thing that ever changed the world was a small group of dedicated people with a common goal.

Look for creative ways to find “wins.” Problem-solving channels mental energy and little wins can build a sense of confidence and possibility. Both of these can move the needle on our negative feelings toward a more optimistic outlook.

While meditation, taking a walk, and deep breathing provide temporary relief from frustration, it's clear that the causes of women’s current frustration are bigger than a traffic jam, running out of milk, or misplaced keys.

Optimism Essential Reads

Hope and Rational Optimism

Are You an Optimist or Pessimist About Our Changing World?

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