Narcissists: Walk Away Before Relationships Turn Toxic

Narcissists are an amazingly stealthy bunch. They behave in such a way that others believe that being around a narcissist is the best outcome possible for their social lives.

Narcissists are able to give others the kind of attention and engagement that makes their “targets” feel good about themselves in the early stages of their acquaintanceship. It’s only when the narcissist feels that they’ve successfully captured the target that the target realizes that they’ve been taken.

What are some of the signs that a narcissist is trying to sweep you up into their trap?

• A person seems to be wooing you through compliments, but makes sure that you and others realize just how awesome the person giving the compliment actually is and how lucky you are to be noticed by him.
• A person you’ve just met hangs on your every word, seemingly focused intently on the conversation, but uses the first break in the conversation to make sure you know just how amazingly awesome his own experiences are, as well.
• A person goes out of her way to do you a favor while making sure you are aware just how “out of her way” she went for you in doing that favor.
• A person crafts a relationship in which he has all of the power and you are left with no choice but to go along with what he wants, while being told how lucky you are to have him in your life.
• A person will turn every conversation into a reason to boast about her own accomplishments, either real or imagined.
• A person responds to your need for reassurance or emotional support with a tale of how he has dealt with even greater challenges in unbelievably successful ways.
• A person deals with failure by placing the blame on you and anyone else she possibly can rather than taking ownership herself.
• A person looks for ways to make you feel small in order to make himself feel larger-than-life.

Research shows that there are two unique types of narcissism: grandiose and vulnerable. The grandiose narcissist sucks people in through their charisma in the beginning, but their need for power and self-obsession can short-circuit relationships with well-balanced, psychologically healthy individuals.Narcissists are more likely to be less generous with others and also be more willing to punish others out of retaliation. The fear of negative retaliation may be the only force that motivates loyalty or affection from their partners.

Unfortunately, there are also the “fixers” who believe that they have the necessary relational skill set to change the narcissist for the better and are willing to go into the ring for a few bouts before they realize the mistakes they are making.

The vulnerable narcissist is likely to come across as self-centered and distrustful of others. They don’t need a large audience the way the grandiose narcissists do and are much more likely to be introverted; however, they still require the unquestioned loyalty and admiration of their partners. They belittle others and fault them for not recognizing how valuable the narcissist truly is while boosting their own self-esteem at the expense of others. Again, the “fixers” may try to relate to and connect with these individuals, but get little in return for their efforts except the expectation that they will be ready to praise and support their partners when everyone else turns against him.

Unfortunately, a relationship with a narcissist can move quickly as narcissists know how to create their fan clubs quickly before their target members recognize that the headliner's show is just a sham.

One of the most important lessons we learn from the relationship mistakes we make is that we usually had some inclination of what was going to happen down the road. In fact, most toxic relationships are flying the “red flag” of danger long before the relationship is cemented.

So if you are in the early stages of a relationship and you notice your potential partner is engaging in any of the behaviors listed, and you’re feeling like something is not “right,” listen to your intuition and disengage before you let yourself become enmeshed in the toxic alliance.

If alarm bells are ringing when a potential mate is laying on praise or cutting you down or boring you or your friends with tales of his own prowess at the expense of others, heed the warning signs. If every gift you receive is turned into a cross you have to bear as a sign of someone’s generosity, faithfulness, proof of something other than a token of affection, refuse the gift and reject the giver.

Narcissists are generally unwilling and unable to change their ways. The integrity of their egos is built around the inflation of their integrity. When you build your identity on imagination and hyperbole, it is dangerous to get too close to authenticity and honesty.

Narcissists should come with a warning: If you feed an ego, it will grow.

###

How strong is your social support network? Do your friends help keep you healthy?

If you would like to take part in a new research study designed to explore the relationship between social support and overall well-being, please follow this link: https://niu.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9Y2egoTAuVhT7bn