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When we feel that the world is falling down around us or we are dealing with a case of the flu or some other physical suffering, many of us long to be cared for by someone who would treat us as tenderly as a storybook mother might. I know grown-ups who have confessed to crying out for their mothers when coping with a bout of the stomach flu or just a really bad day. When we climb under a blanket on the sofa to nurse our wounds, we are recreating that all-encompassing "swaddle" of love that we enjoy as infants when a parent wraps us up tight in a baby blanket and we feel safe and secure.
The physical need for safety and support through touch never goes away. There's something especially soothing about the emotional support conveyed through the touch of a loving caregiver or even through a doctor's hand on your shoulder.
Even with all of this being true, most of us would probably recoil in horror if a stranger saw us in distress and solicitously inquired, “Aww…do you need a hug?” As children, most of us probably had to give more forced hugs to extended family members than we ever wanted. For some reason, babies and young kids seem to be the most huggable population on earth.
As adults, some of us crave affection and others of us are “touch-me-nots.” However, the older we get, the MORE hugs we probably need. In fact, research shows that a warm embrace can be an effective pain reliever and healing agent all in one. Body chemistry is just that awesome.
When you face significant stressors, your body responds by producing cortisol. This hormone slows down the body’s healing process and creates “flashbulb memories” to remind you of what you want to avoid in the future. It also encourages social connections—like when everyone pulls together in a crisis or when unexpectedly intimate, but transient, friendships develop between people stuck in an elevator.
On the flip side, when someone literally reaches out to you when you’re stressed, the body responds by producing oxytocin. This hormone creates a “natural high” that encourages trust, somewhat “dissolves” short-term memory, and simply makes a person feel good all over. Not only that, but researchers have discovered that when oxytocin is coursing through the body, it is literally able to speed up the healing process and wounds heal more quickly.
Whether it’s a big old bear hug, a pat on the back, or a hand on your shoulder, physical touch leads to physical healing. So next time you’re feeling seriously stressed, don’t be afraid to ask someone for a hug—they really do have the power to make you feel better.
Sources
Gouin JP, Carter CS, Pournajafi-Nazarloo H, Glaser R, Malarkey WB, Loving TJ, Stowell J, Kiecolt-Glaser JK (Aug 2010). "Marital behavior, oxytocin, vasopressin, and wound healing".Psychoneuroendocrinology 35 (7): 1082–90
Komienko, O., Schaefer, D. R., Weren, S., Hill, G. W., & Granger, D. A. (2016). Cortisol and testosterone associations with social network dynamics. Hormones and Behavior, 80, 92-102.
