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Since the onset of the pandemic, the rate of mental health problems has been on the rise all over the world. While kids are in large part escaping the physical health consequences of COVID-19, they are not escaping the resulting mental health crisis. Losses are piling up, including those that correlate most closely with rising anxiety and depression: the loss of routines, special events, and time with extended family and friends. Many kids are losing access to athletic and extra-curricular communities where they feel connected and supported, where they get to feed their passions and interests, and where they get regular, health-promoting exercise.
When it comes to mental health, preventing problems is our first-line approach. So how can we help our kids maintain their emotional and psychological resilience in the face of all this loss and uncertainty? Here are a few tips.
5 Ways to Promote Your Child’s Mental Health
1) Help Them Focus on What They Can Control
Understanding what steps they can take to exercise some control over their own health and wellness helps kids combat feelings of fear and vulnerability. Share information with them about how mask wearing, hand washing, and social distancing all reduce the spread of COVID-19 and help keep them healthy. Help them take control of their own mindset by generating positivity. Keeping them informed in age-appropriate ways about troubling realities can help them feel proud of the sacrifices they are making and allow them to feel like part of the global effort to end the pandemic. Talk openly, invite questions, and keep them updated about good news such as reduced spread rates and vaccine breakthroughs.
2) Safe Social Contact
Teach your kids that they can be part of the solution by following guidelines governing social contact. This doesn’t mean our kids have to suffer complete isolation. Seek creative ways for your child to have outdoor contact with friends and have fun with members of your household. We are social creatures, and safe social contact is critical to keeping up spirits and resilience. When push comes to shove, use screens as your ally! Scrolling through TikTok isn’t likely to foster a sense of connection, but Snapchat, texting, and FaceTime may be critical right now.
3) Create Routines
Kids thrive on predictability, and during the pandemic their routines and scheduled activities have largely been lost. To make things worse, there’s no known end to this pause in their regular lives. Unlike a luxurious week off when freedom from routine is blissful, this pause stretches on into the unknown future. The result is an inadequate amount of structure and certainty, both of which help kids feel grounded and secure. Creating a rhythm to the days will help reduce anxiety and increase motivation. Encourage your kids to go to bed at (roughly) the same time each night, and to wake up at (roughly) the same time each day. Break asynchronous learning days into chunks of time dedicated to work or dedicated to play. And try to get your kids moving every day, ideally outside, and at (roughly) the same time each day. Not only do these routines create structure and predictability that promote mental health, they also encourage biological stability in appetite, sleep, and energy.
4) Be Spontaneous
This may sound contradictory at first. Are we trying to create structure, or are we trying to create spontaneity? Actually, we all need both. With the security of structure and routine around us, kids and adults alike enjoy novelty, surprises, and, well, breaks in routine. These are hard to come by right now without the opportunity to travel or attend long-awaited special events. Offer up small surprises, like serving up a picnic dinner on the living room floor in front of your favorite family movie, or eat dessert before dinner. And look for ways to have novel experiences, like driving to somewhere you have never visited in your home state to take in a new view. Novelty is stimulating for the brain and produces a rush of feel-good endorphins that boost mental and emotional resilience.
5) Take Care of Yourself!
Parental stress correlates positively with increased emotional and behavioral distress for kids; in other words, the more you struggle, the more your kids are likely to struggle. So focusing on your own wellness is important for your kids! Give yourself regular exercise to release stress, support positive mood, and promote restful sleep. Monitor your media exposure to avoid helplessness, hopelessness, and anxiety. Stay positive! Focus on solving problems and being a helper whenever possible. And finally, be gentle with yourself. Let your feelings flow, seek out love and support, and keep expectations realistic. You are living (and parenting and working) through a pandemic, too!
Despite our best efforts at prevention, sometimes mental health problems arise, and when they do, early intervention is our best weapon. Here are some signs that trouble may be brewing. If reading this list sets off alarm bells for you as you think about your child, consider checking in with your pediatrician or a therapist who specializes in working with kids or teens for some additional guidance.
5 Early Indicators of Depression and Anxiety
1) Uncharacteristic and Prolonged Mood Changes
It’s healthy for your child to experience a full range of moods and feelings. Moods go up and moods go down, and this is a sign of healthy emotional flexibility. In times of escalated stress and loss such as we are experiencing now, it’s even normal and healthy to see increased sadness, loneliness, and worry. These are adaptive feelings that make sense in the situation; in other words, they are healthy feelings given the circumstances. But if you are noticing uncharacteristic and persistent mood changes that seem new for your child, and from which they can’t seem to get much relief, you may be looking at the onset of something more problematic. For example, is your child suddenly having trouble controlling their anger, are they chronically irritable, or are they expressing persistent helplessness or hopelessness? Are they experiencing frequent worries that are intense enough to disrupt the day? These could be indicators of something more problematic than a passing or circumstantial mood.
2) Social Withdrawal
We are all experiencing a necessary drop in social contact due to COVID-19 restrictions, leading to increased loneliness and isolation. While this isn’t healthy for any of us, it is the unfortunate norm. But if your child seems to be self-isolating beyond what is required, it could be a sign of the onset of depression. Encourage them to spend time in family spaces to be with parents and siblings, to walk or run outdoors with friends, and even to connect with peers through technology if that’s the only contact available.
3) Loss of Interest in Activities
Even though our kids have temporarily lost access to some of the activities they love, they likely have other activities they find fun and engaging at home. But if your child seems to have lost interest in activities that used to be sources of joy, this can be a red flag. Likewise, having trouble focusing on schoolwork or having a hard time finding the motivation to do things they would usually be motivated to do can indicate a more serious mental health problem is at play. That said, remote school is tough! Focus and motivation can be hard to come by when school is happening on a screen. Many of us can probably relate as adults working remotely. So don’t panic if your child isn’t as excited about school as they once were or if they have days when they just can’t muster the energy. Pay attention to see if the problem is persistent; if you are seeing a regular pattern of trouble with concentration, memory, focus, or ability to initiate work, this may be an indicator of more significant mental health struggles.
4) Biological Changes
Watch for changes in some basic biological functions. For example, mental health struggles often come along with some disruption in sleep and eating patterns. Some people experience a drop in appetite and/or weight, others an increase. Some people experience insomnia, others have trouble waking up or just never feel rested. There isn’t one clear change to watch for; the key is to notice if your child’s biorhythms seem to have changed without explanation.
5) Increase in High-Risk Behavior
It’s not unusual for teenagers to seek out adrenaline rushes, or to experiment with alcohol or other accessible drugs. But an increase in high-risk behavior, such as an increase in frequency and persistence of drug and alcohol use, can be a sign that someone is struggling with emotional pain they are trying to escape. Consider high-risk behaviors to be an invitation to talk; keep the communication lines open by staying curious about how your child is feeling, honest about what you are observing, and open about your concerns.
If you are concerned about your child’s mental health, your pediatrician can point you in the right direction. Or, toggle over to the Find a Therapist feature on the Psychology Today website to find a therapist in your area who works with kids and teens. Many therapists are offering telehealth services, which means you can access any therapist in your state.
