Pivot to the Positive

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Snarky comments, no matter how playful, often result in hurt feelings, especially when they come from friends or relatives. Snarky comments are subtle put-downs that elevate one person above another person. Responding to snarky remarks is a delicate balance. Harsh comebacks can damage personal friendships and family relationships. A soft response or no response at all can leave you feeling inadequate and inferior. The best way to respond to snarky remarks is to use the pivot to the positive technique.

Pivot to the Positive

Pivoting to the positive is a strategic approach that allows you to gracefully address the snarky remark without escalating the situation. Pivoting to the positive involves subtly "flipping the script" and putting the speaker back in their place in a gentle and friendly manner. For example, say a friend or relative comments, "Well, at least my house is paid off, and you’re struggling to make mortgage payments each month." The hidden meaning behind this snarky remark suggests that the speaker is more financially well off than you are because you still have a mortgage payment. The speaker is intentionally or unintentionally elevating themselves above you to make themselves feel superior.

The automatic response to a snarky remark is to become defensive and launch a counterattack. Going on the defensive is counterproductive and often ends in bruised relationships. A better response is to pivot to the positive. For example, "I'm delighted you were able to get your house paid off at such a young age. You certainly are blessed." Pivoting to the positive flips the script on the speaker and abruptly cuts off further conversation. You are viewed as magnanimous, the speaker's remark is neutralized, and perhaps the speaker feels a twinge of guilt for having made the remark in the first place.

In another example, a relative may comment, "My kids graduated from college and now have high-paying jobs. Too bad your kids had trouble growing up." The hidden message behind this snide remark is: I'm a good parent, and you are not a good parent because one of your kids had some problems growing up. Remember, don't get defensive; pivot to the positive. Simply reply, “You must be very proud of your children.”

The beauty of pivoting to the positive is threefold:

• It disarms the negativity: You don't engage with the speaker's negativity, effectively neutralizing their remark.
• It maintains relationships: You address the situation without causing a scene or damaging the relationship.
• It empowers you: You take control of the situation and refuse to let someone else control your emotions.

By pivoting to the positive, you achieve several things:

• Non-agreement: You don't validate the speaker's underlying message of superiority.
• Avoiding defensiveness: You maintain composure and avoid getting drawn into a potentially damaging argument.
• Shifting the narrative: You "flip the script" by highlighting the positive aspect of their situation, leaving them with little room for further negativity.

The pivoting to the positive technique can be applied in various situations when you are faced with snarky remarks, especially when maintaining good relationships is important. Pivoting to the positive allows you to subtly communicate that you won't tolerate negativity while promoting positive interactions.

Pivoting to the positive turns a slight into a boomerang. By deflecting negativity with grace and positivity, you ultimately leave the speaker with something to ponder and yourself feeling empowered and in control. So, the next time you encounter a snarky remark, consider the power of pivoting to the positive. Perhaps the old adage has merit: I'm rubber, and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.