Loving and Living With Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Anxiety disorders are a group of disorders that share symptoms like excessive fear and heightened stress (American Psychological Association [APA], 2022). It is important to note that fear and anxiety are not synonymous, although we tend to use them interchangeably.

• Fear is an emotional reaction to a real or perceived threat. For example, you might experience fear before getting on a rollercoaster. In this case, there is a real threat that something could go wrong, even though the likelihood is not high.
• Anxiety is about anticipation; it’s our emotional response when we expect a threat. Everyone experiences anxiety, and there’s no way to not experience it. The only people who don’t have anxiety are dead people. Some of us manage it better than others, and some of us are not prone to get as anxious in stressful situations as others. However, everyone gets anxious.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is one type of anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive worry/anxiety that is difficult to control more days than not for at least six months. The catalysts for the worry are a variety of events, situations, and circumstances—hence, the term “generalized.” Unlike other anxiety disorders (e.g., social anxiety disorder or specific phobia), there is no specific focus on one situation that provokes anxiety.

Aside from excessive worry, people who experience GAD also report emotional symptoms (e.g., irritability and edginess), cognitive concerns (e.g., difficulty concentrating or mind going blank), and physical problems (e.g., poor sleep quality, being easily fatigued, muscle tension).

GAD is the most common anxiety disorder, with 3 percent of U.S. adults in the general population experiencing it (APA, 2022). Three percent may not sound like many people; however, in a country with nearly 332 million people, we are talking about more than 9,500,000 adults (this number does not include children and adolescents).

According to APA (2022), women and teen girls are twice as likely to experience anxiety as men and teen boys in the United States.

Impact on Marriage

Research over the last several decades has been clear that marital discord is more significant among people who experience mood, substance use, and anxiety disorders (Whisman, 1999). In 2007, Whisman conducted another study to investigate the impact of mental illness on marital distress and found that GAD was one of the top three disorders most associated with marital problems (behind social anxiety disorder and specific phobia).

Married couple seeking help for husband who is living with GAD.

Source: Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

Note: Causation and correlation are not the same. Therefore, we can’t say that marital stress causes mental illness any more than we can say mental illness causes marital stress. We can only say that these two variables are highly correlated or associated. Simply put, when mental illness is present in a couple, marital distress is more likely to be present as well.

Tips for Loving and Living With Generalized Anxiety Disorder

• Yes, sometimes your partner’s anxiety seems disproportionate to the situation. Pointing that out only makes them feel unvalidated, as they likely already know it. Help them concentrate on what they can control, like their breath.
• Some people are soothed by physical touch, so try increasing physical contact with them (e.g., hugging, hand-holding, etc.). Others are triggered by touch. Get to know your partner's triggers so that you know how to show up when they need you most.
• Dr. Antione Taylor, a Baltimore-based neuropsychologist, shared that people living with anxiety can have memory issues. Offering lots of reminders and reassurances is helpful. He also suggested that much empathy is needed to help these relationships thrive.
• Consistency is a significant factor in anxiety. Denise S. shared that she needed to be consistent in her tone and word content with her partner so they wouldn’t shut down when unexpected issues popped up.
• Go to therapy together. Therapy can help you learn how to engage each other, fight fairly, and learn the words and behaviors that are triggering for your partner.

GAD can be tough to navigate in a relationship. However, remember, it’s no fun for the partner who is living with it either. Your support in their most anxious moments can create a more loving connection in your marriage.