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You probably think you are a grown-up.
After all, grown-ups read Psychology Today blog posts. And they do other things too, like watch CNN, buy matching luggage sets, and eat salmon.
Me? I do all of the above. I'm a hard-working, married, professional thirty-something. I'm also a proud mother of two adopted daughters. (Okay fine, they're cats.)
But despite all of this,I do not yet feel like "I have arrived". I don't feel like a grown-up.
Get Your Story Straight, World
When you're young, the world tells you that you are an adult on your 21st birthday, at which point you are given full permission to screw yourself up royally (e.g., drink too much, have too much casual sex, max out your credit cards on utterly fabulous things, etc.). But I did that and found I was not yet a grown-up.
In your late twenties the world pulls a fast one on you. It changes its mind about the definition of adulthood. Suddenly, it means holding a steady job, moving into your own place, paying your bills on time, contributing to a 401(k), and NOT doing the things listed in the paragraph above. So I tried it. And sadly ... no, I was not yet a grown-up.
The Proof
So how do I know I'm not yet a grown-up? Oh boy. There's lots of evidence:
- I put the "ass" in passive aggressive.
- I worry about what others think of me almost as often as I did when I was thirteen years old.
- There is a person out there who I hate. Obsessively.
- I avoid confrontation, speaking my truth, and showing anger because I don't want anyone to leave me.
And the list goes on and on.
Grown-Up Defined
Being a grown-up is more than just about being responsible, serious, and independent. It's about having courage, humility, integrity, and the capacity to love all types of people.
It's about fighting hard for your own growth, joy and peace while helping people fight their battles, too.
Final Thoughts
My favorite musician and self-proclaimed "possible future grown-up" John Mayer said, "I don't have all the answers, I'm just a dude who guessed a couple right ones."
And that John has got me thinkin': I don't have life all figured out, but maybe that's okay. Maybe being a grown-up is simply about having a willingness to try, to guess, to stretch, and to change, over and over again, with the hope that one day your guesses will be right more often than they are wrong.
Copyright Kimberly Eclipse
Read more of this writer's PG-13 antics at A Brave Life.
