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Key points
- Waiting can provoke worry and anger unnecessarily.
- There are not-obvious options for dealing with waiting.
- There are better and worse approaches even to life-and-death waiting.
Waiting can mean worrying, often to no advantage. Here are thoughts on six common situations in which we have to wait.
In line at a store
|f you're feeling impatient, might any of these help?
- Think of it as a welcome, brief break.
- Want to people-watch?
- Think about what you want to do after you leave.
- Use it as time to think about how to handle some issue.
- Listen to a podcast.
- Talk with the person in front or behind you.
Waiting for life to finally improve
Sometimes, you’ve done what you reasonably can to improve your life and it’s wise to let time do its thing. More often, it helps to try something, perhaps more of what you’ve been already doing, perhaps something new. What, if anything, should you do: Reach out to someone? Up your skill? Be kinder? More diligent? More responsible? Stop or reduce your substance use? Get a new outfit? Sometimes tweaking your outside can motivate your inside.
Waiting for medical test results
Would it help to face the worst case? Even if it’s a death sentence, that could be a relief because it resolves an ambiguity you've long felt. Also, it can enable you to put your affairs in order and to realize that all your other worries and responsibilities will soon end. Or would it be more helpful to suppress and distract? Thinking about it won’t help, so why taint the time until you get the results? As soon as you’re aware of worrying about the test, say "stop" to yourself and think of something distracting and constructive or pleasurable.
Waiting for a date to call you back
If the waiting is frustrating, should you call or text, and without seeming desperate, say something like, “I enjoyed our date and thought I’d reach out again. Would you like to take a walk Saturday morning?”
After a job interview
If an employer hasn’t gotten back to you when promised, give a day or two of grace and then follow up with an email with a subject line of “Following up” and a message, for example,
I enjoyed our interview, especially X, and am more interested in the job than ever. You mentioned that you’d get back to me by Monday, so I thought that, like any good employee, I’d follow up. I’m also attaching a one-pager that I wrote after our interview. It outlines my thoughts on that issue you mentioned that I’d be working on. Hoping to hear from you.
Waiting for a loved one to die
Many people are ambivalent as they see a loved one in their last stage. On one hand, they want the person to live, hoping that despite the odds, s/he'll get better. On the other hand, they may be exhausted from seeing the person in pain and from the time they unpleasantly spend, and even, although it may be hard to acknowledge, the money: the cost of keeping the person alive and any inheritance.
Such feelings are common and understandable. Alas, they can lead to bad behavior. On one hand, unwillingness to let go can pressure doctors into keeping the person alive even when quality of life is poor and painful, with no real hope of recovery. On the other hand, neglect can inappropriately hasten death. If you’re finding it hard to stay rational, this may be a good time to find support: from family, friends, medical staff, or perhaps a spiritual guide.
The takeaway
As you consider this post’s ideas, is there at least one that you'd like to remember?
I read this aloud on YouTube.
