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In some fields, it's worth focusing on the new. For example, we buy a smartphone rather than a flip phone.
But in self-help, things don't change as rapidly. People are people. And so today's latest and greatest is often tomorrow's abandoned fad.
So it makes sense to note self-help ideas that have stood the test of time. To that end, PsychCentral.com recently selected "50 Self-Help Classics." There, they are unannotated. Here, for each, I very briefly state one or two of its recommendations.
Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Take the time to get expert in something. Work on a project that is important. Stay in the moment, calm and focused. Then you’ll be in a “flow state” totally immersed, maximally productive, and the time will fly by.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Develop a personal mission statement and spend as much time as possible in its service. In doing projects, avoid excessive planning. It’s generally wiser to expeditiously take action, adjusting as necessary.
The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo. “Light is in both the broken bottle and the diamond.”
Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman. Be aware of when you need to slow down to understand a problem or develop a solution.
Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. Saying affirmations and visualizing a positive outcome can make changes in your body that facilitate success.
Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time by Brian Tracy. The title refers to Mark Twain’s saying that if the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, the rest of your day is sure to improve from there. Tracy’s message: First thing in the morning, tackle your "frog": your biggest, most important task, the one you’re most likely to procrastinate on.
How Good Do We Have to Be? by Harold Kushner. Especially in today’s complex world, we are going to make significant mistakes. Rabbi Kushner urges that even if you had a guilt-centric upbringing, to forgive yourself and others.
Getting Things Done by David Allen. 1. What most annoys, distracts, or interests you? 2. What would your successfully addressing it look like? 3. What’s your next action toward the desired outcome? 4. Notice how you feel after the exercise compared to before it.
How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Really listen and ask questions to understand the other person. Help people get what they want if you expect them to help you get what you want.
Mindsight by Dan Siegel. Staying in touch with how you’re feeling at important moments can guide you to a wiser response.
The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. Some people are genetically preprogrammed to be highly sensitive to sensations and experiences. They observe more carefully and reflect more deeply than most people. That may bring challenges such as easily feeling overstimulated, overwhelmed. But it affords advantages, for example, more accurate intuitions.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Don’t look back; don’t look ahead. Stay in the moment. Or as my father said when I asked him why he rarely talked about the Holocaust, “The Nazis took five years from my life. I won’t give them one minute more. Never look back. Always take the next step forward.”
Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky. Write: 1: your worry. 2. why it probably isn’t as terrible as you fear. 3: a more rational way to think about it.
10% Happier by Dan Harris. Meditate, then stay mindful at crucial times, for example, when you want to lose weight and are feeling hungry.
The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. Life is hard but being responsible but believing in love and miracles can help.
Triggers by Marshall Goldsmith. At the end of each day, ask yourself, ““Did I try my best today to (insert a desired and practical area for growth.) Also, “We want short-term gratification while we need long-term benefit.”
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Choose an exciting life purpose, imagine achieving it, and continually take baby steps toward getting there.
Courage to Change by Al-Anon Family Groups. Take it one day at a time, giving yourself one doable yet important goal.
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Happiness can only be found within. Learn to control your mind; don’t let your mind control you.
The Four Agreements by Janet Mills. “Don’t make assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.”
The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. Instead of focusing on the root cause of being unhappy, focus on changing your thinking about the current problem. For example, instead of thinking you must change your career, realize that while it would be nice if you could, you can survive and even thrive if you don’t.
Happy at Last by Richard O’Connor. A major cause of unhappiness is comparing ourselves to other people. We always want to be better and have more than the other guy but even if we get that, it won't make us happy. Also, unnecessary miseries such as addiction are powerful obstacles to happiness that must be faced.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff… And It’s All Small Stuff by Richard Carlson. We get caught up in minutiae, "the small stuff," and never get around to doing what we think is important.
Beyond Blue by Therese Borchard. Depression really is a brain disease. One of the book’s chapters is, “When Yoga and Meditation Aren't Enough.”
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. Doctors tend to fight a disease to the end. Sometimes, it’s wise to tell them, “Enough.”
The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Dan Allender. Forgiving doesn’t require forgetting.
The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy. Visualize the goal and take step one toward achieving it.
Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Meditate so you can be in a state of being, not just of doing.
A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook by Bob Stahl and Elisha Goldstein. A mindfulness exercise: 1. Study a raisin. 2. Close your eyes and explore its texture. 3. Smell it. Note anything interesting happening in your mouth or stomach. 4. Place it in your mouth without chewing it. Then taste it and note the sensations as you chew. 5. Swallow and see if you can follow its path into your stomach.
Unlocking the Secrets of Self-Esteem by Marie Hartwell-Walker. Self-esteem comes not from thinking but by doing good things.
Grieving Mindfully by Sameet M. Kumar. How we grieve varies with the person. There is no right and wrong. Grieving is an opportunity to develop your humanity. It’s also preparation for dealing with our own mortality.
Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine and Ann Frederick. In healing from trauma, it may help to get in touch with your physical experiencing of the memory.
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Figure out what triggers your bad habit, what reward you get from it, and substitute a better reward. For example, if bad news makes you overeat, when you get bad news, get in the habit of taking a walk.
Waking Up by Sam Harris. Atheists can find spirituality through meditation.
The ONE Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. Focus on becoming a real expert at one small but important thing. That’s wiser than dabbling or even striving for work-life balance, which the authors call “a lie.”
Failing Forward by John Maxwell. A major difference between average people and high achievers is that the latter force themselves to push forward after mistakes.
Give and Take by Adam Grant. Be a giver but carefully: to people and things you really care about. And don’t give when it’s at the expense of your own important projects.
Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi. You better accept that networking is necessary. Give as much as you ask for, probably giving before asking.
Willpower by Roy Baumeister and John Tierney. Willpower is a habit. Keep at it and you’ll likely develop more of it.
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. The fundamental cause of fear is that you believe you can’t handle a failure. But usually you can. And not taking reasonable risks imposes greater costs to your life.
The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. Putting yourself in difficult situations helps you grow.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Be in contact with those that make you good. Also, an orderly life is key to tranquility.
How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Peter McWilliams and Harold Bloomfield. Take responsibility for your healing; you will survive; you will smile again; life really is worth living.
The Power of Vulnerability by Bene Brown. Things that most annoy you in others may be weaknesses of your own.
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. Legitimate self-esteem comes largely from acceptance of responsibility and assertiveness.
Boundaries by Henry Cloud. Strike the balance between being a doormat and too controlling.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. Key to a relationship working is being vigilant to when your partner subtly is asking for something, for example, “I had a bad meeting today” is asking you to ask about it.
Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. She asks women, “Are we more concerned about being liked than succeeding?” She also asks women who expect to start a family soon not to check out of work mentally.
The How of Happiness: by Sonja Lyubomirsky. Keep a Your Best Possible Self journal in which you describe what would happen to your career, relationships, etc., in your best possible future.
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie. Beware of being dragged down into bad behaviors to please someone else.
Far from a classic at this point but just published, in its 2nd edition. The Best of Marty Nemko. A career and personal coach, he can be reached at mnemko@comcast.net.
