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Angela never thought her husband would leave her, but he did.
Frantic, she sought advice from her mother, friends...and a psychic.
Angela approached the neon sign that read "Psychic," adorned by a crescent moon.
She rang the bell and was buzzed into a room with chairs covered with a white leopard-design fabric surrounding a round table with a tablecloth that extended to the floor. The walls bore velvet paintings, for example, of an eye in a triangle surrounded by stars. A velveteen curtain separated the reading room from what was behind. Soft new-age music completed the ambiance.
A minute passed. Theresa, the "psychic," made her clients wait so she wouldn't appear too eager and to build clients' anticipation.
Finally, from behind the curtain, a grandmotherly woman in a peasant blouse and skirt emerged.
"Welcome, my child. I am Theresa. I'm glad you sought out an intuitive. We all have the gift. I've simply practiced for a long time. I'm not 100% right but I usually can help. (That makes the client feel like she'd not getting hyped and also gives her an out when she makes an error.) Tell me what is troubling you?"
Angela said, "You knew I had a problem?" (Fact is, almost all first-time visitors to a psychic have a problem.)
"Of course, my child," replied Theresa.
"My husband Joe has left me. I want to know if he'll be coming back?"
Theresa noted that the question's wording suggests she wants him back. Confirming that, from her peripheral vision, Theresa noticed that Angela still wore her wedding ring. Theresa tucked away that information for later use.
Next, Theresa used other techniques to gather information and establish credibility. She turned down the lights, lighted incense, and intoned, "Angela, please close your eyes and concentrate on you, Joe, and your marriage." When Angela closed her eyes, Theresa looked her up and down and noted her appearance's fastidiousness.
After 30 seconds, Theresa asked Angela to open her eyes, That way, Angela could see Theresa's efforts to "connect with the spirits." Theresa then closed her eyes, scrunched up her face, looked into the dark crystal ball on the table. Its electric cord was hidden under the ball and dropped through a hole in the table, connected to a foot-controlled dimmer slider.
After caressing the ball and making noises of concentration for a suitable amount of time, Theresa slowly pushed the dimmer switch so the crystal ball illuminated, revealing a hazy, face-obfuscated image of two children, two adults, and two old people. (Somewhere in that collection, the client will see "a connection.") After the 30 seconds, Theresa sighed as if exhausted from the ordeal. That helped make Angela believe that Theresa was doing something spiritual and the exhausted face suggested bad news was coming. And thus, when Theresa then gently smiled, Angela felt relieved.
Theresa began, "My dear, I have good news for you. I see Joe returning and staying with you but you will need to make some changes. (Theresa will only propose modest changes to keep Angela feeling good about herself and, in turn, Theresa.)
Theresa continued, "It's a little hazy (which buys her wiggle room) but I wonder if Joe is frustrated with your perfectionism." (inferred both from her appearance and that most men aren't as fastidious.)
If Angela said no in a tentative way, Theresa would blame her error on Angela. "Perhaps that's part of the problem, Angela: You were insensitive to Joe's frustrations with you." Or, if Theresa sensed that Angela was secure in dismissing perfectionism as a reason Joe left, Theresa still wouldn't apologize. She would immediately distract Angela by asking a question that required her to think, for example, "Now I want you to think hard about the time you sensed Joe was most unhappy with you." But in this case, Theresa guessed right and Angela said, "You're right. Every time we go out together, he's frustrated at how long it takes me to get ready."
Theresa tries to get Angela to provide more information without it casting Theresa's "psychic powers." into question. She again gives herself wiggle room with this intro: "Especially in a first session (portending the "need' for more sessions,) the messages can be vague, so you may need to help me a little." Wishing to make the reading as useful as possible, Angela, of course, agrees to help.
Theresa continued, "There's an important person involved in your problem (See how vague) whose name (Note that she didn't mention whether it's first or last name to double her chances) begins with S, or is it C?" Odds are, Theresa knows someone--whether a relative or a paramour--with a first or last name or nickname that starts with S or C.
Angela struggles to come up with a name and finally has to settle on, "Well, my grandfather is Sam."
Theresa responds, "Yes. That's it. How could Grandpa Sam be impacting all of this?" Theresa closes her eyes, pretending to be invoking the spirits but her real purpose is to allow silence that might push Angela to reveal something. Bingo: "Well, my husband has visited grandpa a couple times recently." Theresa says, with certitude, "Angela, you must visit Grandpa Sam. A clue will be revealed there."
On the off chance Angela knew no one whose first or last name began with an S or C, Theresa would say, "It's someone your husband knows but you don't. Let's go in a different direction." Or she might try, "I'm going to say the letters of the alphabet. The name will come clear. Now look me in the eye." When Theresa reaches a significant person's first letter, Angela's pupils will likely dilate or contract.
Angela's answers and nonverbal cues confirm or refute Theresa's hypothesis about whether Angela wants him back. But there's still time left in the session, so Theresa did more to elicit information or confirmation. Theresa looked into her crystal ball and says, "I see a piece of jewelry given to you by a relative." Have any idea what relevance that might have? (Psychics know that most women have at least one piece of jewelry with emotional value.) As it happened, Angela said no. So Theresa tried another high-yield example that appears to be specific to Angela but is widely applicable: "Let me try again. I see an old memento from childhood: a book, a toy, something like that." Amazed, Angela said, "I've been sleeping with my childhood doll since Joe left!" This added to Theresa's credibility and also created an opening for Theresa to extract yet more information from Angela without appearing to do so: "So Angela, what significance might that doll have?" Angela said, "Maybe it reflects my desire for the playfulness of childhood?" Theresa, just using plain common sense, asked, "Is it possible that adding more playfulness to your relationship with Joe might resurrect it?" Angela said, "Maybe."
Next, Theresa dealt tarot cards in a ritualized way until a card came up that lent itself to a story that would support what Angela wants to hear. Theresa said, "Good: The High Priestess card, the Shekhina. That signals the inner divine within a woman. This is the clearest signal yet that your heart remains with Joe and his with yours. If the love within either of you were dead, this card would not have emerged."
There was still time left in the half hour, so Theresa "read" Angela's palm, looking for two long crossing lines--"Another clear sign he’s coming back." (Most people have two long crossing lines.)
At the 28-minute mark, Theresa asked, "Do you want to summarize what you have learned?" Asking Angela to summarize builds Angela's investment in the "learning" and in Theresa the "psychic" and may yield more information for Theresa to use in a subsequent session.
Angela summarized, "You're confident Joe is coming back but that I'll need to work on my perfectionism, especially when it affects Joe and perhaps be more playful with him. And that I should see Grandpa Sam to perhaps learn other clues."
Then, Theresa intoned magisterially, "Very good" (Everyone likes to be affirmed.) "We are off to a good start." (More intimation that that additional sessions will be "required.")
Theresa then waited in hopes that Angela would ask to schedule a next session but she didn't, so Theresa said, authoritatively, "I want you to meditate on what you learned tonight, letting it all ferment and then we will (not "should") get together tomorrow to move you forward." (Who could be against moving forward?)
If Angela had responded enthusiastically, Theresa would have up-sold her: "You need a one-hour intensive." But Angela just said, Okay." so Theresa deferred the up-sell until the next session. Perhaps Theresa could even convince Angela to go for "the weekend retreat, which we reserve for only special clients."
Angela left skeptical but somehow glad she saw the "psychic," especially since Theresa predicted that she and Joe would get back together.
The takeaway
When we're vulnerable, we're subject to being taken advantage of. It's not just Theresa's fee, it's her ill-founded advice. Especially in tough times, we should rely on people we can trust: our respected relatives and friends and, perhaps most of all, the wise man or woman within ourselves. Ask yourself, "What would my best self do now?"
For more on how psychics "read" people, see The Full Facts Book on Cold Reading by Ian Rowland.
This is one of the 62 short-short stories in Dr. Nemko's book, Modern Fables. You can reach career and personal coach Marty Nemko at mnemko@comcast.net.
