Getting Past Resistance When Striving for Healthy Goals

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Anyone who has been around young children knows that they learn early on to resist. Once they learn to say “no,” life gets a lot more difficult for a parent. And, as we know, children are famous for resisting bedtime. Kids utilize resistance early and often.

Resistance comes in handy. It establishes a boundary and lets you hang on to things you hold near and dear when it seems that things are being imposed or a change is in the wind.

But what about when resistance gets in the way of something that you want for yourself? Unfortunately, resistance can get in the way when we have a goal to improve our health by making some changes to our eating and exercise habits. This is inarguably a great goal. But, the actual actions necessary can cause us to balk.

What resistance looks like

Facing the thought of going on a diet or establishing a new exercise routine can lead people to say, “I would love to lose 20 pounds, but now is not the time. I am too busy and stressed out.” Another one is, “I know I should. I just don’t have the motivation right now.” In many ways, these people are acknowledging that they know the task requires focus and energy. They feel that they don’t have the wherewithal to make changes to their life right now.

Many people who have tried and dropped out say things like: “I just couldn’t keep up with the program. I had to take a day off, and then I started falling back into my old habits.” Or, “I have cravings that I can’t seem to ignore.” Or, “It was all too restrictive; I couldn’t keep it up.”

We shouldn’t feel bad about resistance. We have had resistance in our repertoire for a long time. As 2-year-olds, we used resistance to establish ourselves as separate beings, ones with choices. Resistance can happen when that little person is being told what to do.

Grown-ups can also balk at being told what to do. Take, for example, diet and exercise programs. They basically tell us what to do: Follow the program. But that rarely works for very long. Even with some choices built in, it’s still all within the program.

Further, adults have something that 2-year-olds do not have. We have years of established habits.

It comes down to this. We love our habits. We have had a long time to get plenty of them established. Constant reinforcement keeps them in our brains, ready to be called upon at a moment’s notice. When it comes to eating and exercise, many of those habits bring us comfort and connection.

Restriction causes resistance

Following restrictive programs like a diet can make us crave the comfort of our old habits. There are plenty of ways this can happen.

For example:

• Studies show that we are frequently more positive about our abilities than is realistic. We might be thinking, “I’ve got this! I’m really psyched this time!” Additionally, we often have trouble projecting how we are going to feel in the future (affective forecasting). It can get more and more difficult to stick with a program when unexpected situations pop up.

• Research has shown again and again that eating restriction leads to thinking about food more often. It also leads to craving highly palatable foods that contain loads of sugar, salt, and fat. As we know, items like heavy desserts and highly processed foods are everywhere, making them difficult to avoid.

• We can fall into all-or-nothing thinking. Either I am on my diet or off of it. Once slippage has occurred, it can be easy to keep going down the slippery slope. This has been described as the “what-the-hell effect.” The research of Polivy et al. (and others) has shown again and again that food restriction often leads to overeating.

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Overcoming resistance

There are many strategies that we can use to make change easier. One of these is to use something that adults develop as we mature.

Adults develop executive function. Executive function covers many areas of self-regulation, including problem-solving, planning, and emotional regulation.

We can use our executive function to turn down the volume on our resistance. Here are some ways to do that.

1. Changing habits requires effort, learning, and practice. We can use our executive brain to problem-solve, but it takes time. Adam Grant, in his book Think Again, notes that we can learn to use our executive skills and get better at it. Michelle Segar, in her book The Joy Choice, sets up a system called “POP,” where you take a Pause so you can explore your Options, and then Pick a different one that is in line with your goals. Segar emphasizes that this process takes time and practice. Learning about what options are healthy and sustainable is also a key part of the equation.
2. Learning can expand what we perceive as our current choices and can result in developing new directions. That way, the new direction is of our own choosing. It can be based on what fits into our life, something that we are likely to actually do, and, ultimately, is something that we can sustain. As Grant noted, people will not be as resistant to change if they perceive that their identity will be left intact. Learning about new options can help create a new identity that is uniquely ours.
3. Be realistic about resistance. It is going to happen. Resistance does not mean that you are lazy, feckless, or lacking in willpower. There are ways to deal with it. Looking at the broader picture, it means accepting that habits are tenacious. Looking at it in a more granular way, it means dissecting habits, one situation at a time, and exchanging old habits for healthier options. That can seem tedious, but it also takes the pressure off of trying to do too much at once.

In a nutshell, change is a process. A slow process. You can’t make diet and exercise changes overnight and expect them to stick. Making small changes, of your own choosing, that are in line with your goals, will greatly reduce the need to resist.