4 Ways Your Inner Child Prepares You for Adulthood

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“A grownup is a child with layers on,” the actor Woody Harrelson once said. While he likely didn’t have psychological research on his mind when he made this statement, his observation has been backed up by science — more specifically, through the concept of the inner child.

Admittedly, the construct of the inner child has been met with mockery and has associations with fringe science. Despite that, it has been the focus of rigorous study, with evidence supporting not only its existence, but its influence across the lifespan. There are various perspectives on what the inner child actually is. Some see it as one’s “true” or “authentic” self, which is often denied expression because of negative life experiences in childhood. Others maintain that it speaks to the free and creative part of oneself — essentially childlike wonder. Of particular importance to psychotherapists, one’s inner child has gained knowledge, strengths, and skills that are relied upon in adulthood.

Does our inner child prepare us for adulthood? This question was the focus of a new study led by Margareta Sjöblom of the Luleå University of Technology in Sweden. Specifically, she and her collaborators wanted to gain a better understanding of the inner child in relation to health and well-being in adulthood, as today’s world is rife with stress and change that can compromise these areas. Having greater insight into how the inner child influences functioning as an adult in these respects, they argue, can inform psychological interventions and policy to promote effective coping.

To that end, Sjöblom and her team recruited 20 adults (10 men and 10 women), between the ages of 22 and 68, for their study. The researchers employed open-ended interviews that captured “essential human experiences.” The protocol began with an inquiry: Please describe significant events from your childhood that you have carried with you throughout your life. Follow-up questions included: “Is there anything in what you have narrated that has affected your health and how you feel today?” and “Is there anything in what you have narrated that you have forwarded to your children?" The team then analyzed the interviews for thematic content.

What did the researchers find? An analysis elucidated the concept of the inner child, captured through the overarching theme of gaining useful life lessons through childhood experiences. This single theme consisted of four sub-themes:

1. Sharing relationships — The participants described their relationships with their parents, relatives, and friends. They felt that experiences of openness between their peers and between generations promoted a felt sense of safety and security. Participants also stated that it was through having reliable relationships in a loving home that they learned to believe in themselves. In addition, the participants experienced the importance of having close relationships with siblings and friends, which continued throughout their lives. Similarly, they reported a range of loving actions by those close to them, including making sacrifices, being supportive, and spending time together. One interviewee stated: “I admire my mother, who sent her only child abroad, because she wanted a better life for me.”

Participants also had negative experiences in relationships. Some reported feeling abandoned, ignored, and bullied at school. They also felt abandoned, lonely, and unacknowledged when parents were divorced, preoccupied with work, or generally discordant with each other.

2. Playing to heal — Participants reported that different types of play encouraged positive mental health and life lessons. They described sports as being fun, a way to form close relationships, and offering lessons as to how to resolve conflict, make decisions, and prioritize. Participants also described reading and storytelling as providing useful life lessons, both in developing one’s thinking and imagination, as well as the time that parent and child spent together during this activity. This particular endeavor lay the foundation for awe and curiosity as they grew older. The participants felt that using their imagination and playing outdoors in tune with nature and animals also encouraged positive mental health.

3. Strength and fragility — Participants’ experiences with both strength and fragility translated into life lessons in adulthood. The participants reported feeling strong, healthy, and able to set boundaries. By contrast, traumatic experiences stayed with participants over the course of their lives and impacted them as adults. Experiences such as being left in a hospital as a child or being neglected by their parents could give rise to separation anxiety as an adult in situations like moving away from home or breaking up. The participants shared other negative experiences that they managed to turn into something positive, such as how illness or a lack of recognition heightened their empathy, extroversion, and understanding of others and themselves.

4. Supporting the next generation — The participants described how positive and negative experiences from their childhood had become useful life lessons, and could be parlayed into their own role as a parent, tending to other children, or in their work with children. On the positive side, they prioritized time with their family and were teaching their children that people are different and the importance of compromise. Yet they also felt that curiosity or following their own paths was vital, and were passing on these values to their children.

Participants also derived life lessons from negative experiences in childhood. Participants with divorced parents underscored the importance of spending time with their children — especially fathers. Also, not being recognized as a child and not receiving the attention they so desperately yearned for ultimately became life lessons as well. Moreover, the participants wanted to support the next generation by being especially mindful of "things they wanted, but did not have" as children. As one participant reflected: “It was more the things my parents didn’t do that I think is what I want to do for my children. I want my children to have good values and respect others as well as themselves.”