Gender Conflict Themes: How Do You Compare?

We know conflict is inevitable. It is a natural, normal part of life. Where there are relationships, there will be conflict. A critical component of successful male-female relationships is the ability of the couple or coworkers to handle conflict, whether it is in the boardroom or the bedroom. In fact, handling conflict or not handling conflict is often considered one of the explanations for the fifty-fifty survival rate of marriages. The workplace is equally riddled with poorly managed conflicts affecting the bottom line.

No workplace is without conflict. When men and women are not equipped with productive conflict-management tools and a comprehension of sex differences, it can result in problems that are costly, such as retention, low morale, and poorly functioning teams. Women and men can learn more productive responses and help each other resolve their disputes.

Below are a list of possible roles women and men may play out in a conflict. How do you compare?

Do Women in the Audience Resonate with Any of These Themes?

• Taking care of others: “I like playing ‘office mom’ when people seek me out with their troubles.”
• Taking a backseat: “I don’t need to express my opinion with such a strong group.”
• Acting dumb: “I can’t express my expertise on this issue.”
• Being the power behind the throne: “It’s okay if I don’t get the acknowledgment for the work I do behind the scenes for my manager.”
• Suffering silently: “That was inappropriate, but I will remain quiet about it.”
• Playing nice: “If I act nice to my coworkers, no one will confront me.”
• Waiting to be saved: “My supervisor will intervene on my behalf.”
• Being seen, not heard: “I don’t speak up in meetings.”
• Sacrificing yourself for others: “It’s okay if I did not get the credit I deserve. She needs it more.”
• Being a people pleaser: “My need to have people like me is stronger than voicing my true opinion.”
• Not rocking the boat: “I don’t want to be a troublemaker.”
• Keeping and making the peace: “My need to have everyone get along is more important than addressing this issue.”

Do the Men in the Audience Resonate with Any of These Themes?

• Competition is the name of the game: “I will do whatever it takes to win.”
• I will use power plays: “It is important that I look like a formidable player.”
• Winning is all that matters: “It’s not if you win or lose, it is how you play the game.”
• I can step up to the plate: “I can take whatever they throw at me.”
• Playing games is okay in conflict: “Playing it safe won’t always get you what you want.”
• Sometimes you break the rules: “I know rules are made to be broken.”
• Not everyone has to be my best friend: “It’s okay if people get irritated with me. I am not here for a popularity contest.”
• I don’t want to take a backseat to anyone: “Being front and center stage is important for recognition and getting ahead.”
• Conflict is risky, and I will take that chance: “Risk taking is exhilarating and fun.”
• I can take criticism and accusations in a conflict: “I don’t take criticism personally, and even if it bothers me, I will never let on.”
• I have no problem saying “no” to demands in a conflict: “I can set boundaries.”
• I stay focused on the goal: “I always have my eye on the end result, and how I get there isn’t that important

Taken from Audrey's (co-author) newly released book: The Gender Communication Handbook: Conquering Conversational Collisions Between Men and Women (Pfeiffer 2012).