The Most Helpful Habits for Happiness Over the Long Haul

I recently celebrated another birthday and realized that barring a medical breakthrough, I’m likely more than halfway through my life. Given my advancing age and sadly witnessing my parents’ declining health, I’ve been spending a considerable amount of time lately pondering how I want to live out the rest of my (hopefully healthy and long) life.

Since I strive to practice what I preach, I asked myself what are some specific things I can do now to increase my well-being over the long haul.

A recent massive study of meta-analyses provides further evidence from the field of positive psychology that healthy habits are linked to long-term happiness and aging well.

Virtually everyone knows that eating a diet rich in vitamins and minerals, comprised of whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, and avoiding highly processed foods, is foundational for physical health. So, too, is moving our bodies on a regular basis to keep them flexible and strong.

Fortunately, good nutrition and daily exercise, two widely known habits that are associated with robust health, are already two strong habits of mine that I’ve built into my life over the last few decades.

These two habits are so ingrained into my daily routine that I don’t have to think much about how to practice them anymore. They’re no longer hard work and have actually become enjoyable.

As I’m writing this post, I’m drinking a nutritious and delicious smoothie that I concocted this morning as part of my daily breakfast. And I just mentally scheduled my in-home yoga practice to take place after I finish writing today. In fact, I’m on day 87 of a 90-day yoga challenge that I’ve been thoroughly enjoying.

While I may have these physical habits down pat, and they’ve kept my body strong and flexible over the last several decades, they weren’t always easy. They took years of dedication and practice to become what is now almost second nature.

Unlike these physical habits, however, there are emotional habits that seem to pose more of a challenge for me. I realize it’s the emotional habits that impact my relationships and the ones that I need to actively focus my attention on more regularly these days, since they’re directly linked to my long-term health and happiness.

Loving Relationships Linked to Aging Well

In the longest study of adult development, which began in 1938, Harvard psychiatrist George Valliant and colleagues found that our loving relationships are the strongest predictor of aging well. While physical factors are no doubt important for aging well, Vaillant reports in Triumphs of Experience that strong connections far outweighed any other factor when it came to thriving into our ninth decade and beyond.

So, this year as I made yet another trip around the sun, I decided to focus on two emotional habits that would help strengthen my loving relationships and ultimately improve my health now and well into my golden years.

These two habits are “slowing down to savor,” and “responding rather than reacting.”

Savoring is such a key component of well-being that we dedicate an entire chapter to it in our book Happy Together. Defined as “the processes underlying our capacities to attend to, appreciate, and enhance positive experiences,” savoring is also associated with greater relational satisfaction, according to Fred Bryant, a leading researcher on the topic.

It’s not surprising that couples who savor together also stay happy together. When we notice and appreciate the daily moments with our loved ones, the ordinary has the power to become extraordinary.

Sadly, many of us may mistakenly rush or completely overlook seemingly “mundane” moments for daily connection because we are fixated on waiting for “momentous” occasions to come together. Since life is made up of mere moments, over time this adds up to many missed opportunities for deep connection.

Happiness Essential Reads

Finding Joy: How Positive Anticipation Boosts Your Happiness

The Joy of Less: Finding Freedom in Lowering Your Expectations

Happy couples tend to regularly savor the small things and one another, whereas those who don’t tend to break up.

For those of us who may feel we are racing throughout the day, and at times even living life on “automatic pilot,” we may need to actively work on slowing down to savor the moments. By deliberately practicing savoring in our daily lives, we are more likely to thoughtfully respond, rather than reflexively react to our partner and loved ones.

As a result, interacting in a kinder and more mindful way with others increases our understanding and compassion, deepening our connection and enhancing our loving relationships.

I find when I practice these two habits of savoring and mindful responding, they naturally reinforce one another. As a result, I feel better and they help strengthen my relationships, which is key since thriving relationships are the No. 1 factor to aging well. A win-win for all.

However, like any new habit, both of these skills take practice. While at first it’s not easy, in time, when we work out at what we call “the relationship gym,” as we discussed in previous posts, our emotional muscles, like our physical ones, get stronger and more flexible the more we use them.

And who knows? By the time I make my next trip or 10 around the sun, I may find that not only are these skills helpful in my relational life, but they are also enjoyable as well.