Why Is My Gifted Child So... Quirky? Sullen? Needy?

Source: Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash

As a teacher who works with gifted students on a daily basis, I have often been approached by parents and teachers for advice. Sometimes it's the more mundane day to day questions they are seeking answers to (e.g. "How can I get my child to be more motivated?!"). On other occasions the topics seem a bit more... well, serious. The parent/teacher has noticed bouts of sadness or mania or withdrawal or any host of other emotional or social "quirks". It's during those conversations that the essential question is eventually broached:

Do gifted individuals tend to have more or perhaps different emotional “problems” than other children?

The answer from research--and my own observations from the past 20 years in this field--seems to be a resounding NO. Gifted and high-ability students are typically at least as well adjusted as any other group of students. Nevertheless, gifted children do face some different issues. Like all of us, gifted students can show a wide range of personal traits in such categories as temperament, risk-taking, introversion and extroversion. These traits may affect their work as they strive to meet goals. At times, leadership roles and expectations of being “the smart one in the group” can affect self esteem and willingness to seek out and tackle new challenges.

Why might these aspects be a “risk” to healthy social and emotional development in gifted and high-ability students?

To be clear, it will not necessarily be a detriment. But there are some factors that resonated with the students as we met and discussed this rather large topic. Here are some highlights.

• Advanced knowledge or maturity over their age peers. In many ways, gifted students may seem advanced or “ahead” of their peers, both in terms of subject knowledge and areas of interest. This may put them at odds with schoolmates and, at times, even those in the home. These issues may be compounded when school lessons offer different levels of complexity of pace and instruction—at times feeling too easy or too slow. When there is a “mismatch” with educational environments (e.g. pace and level of rigor) this may affect the student’s own academic intensity, interest in the content, creativity, or aspirations. Also, especially as students mature, common interests among friends may begin to diverge. This can cause pressure to “be more like everyone else.”
• There are a few common areas of vulnerability that research as well as anecdotal conversation reveal. These include stress caused by perfectionism and self-perceived underachievement. Gifted students who “feel different” or have had others comment on their “giftedness” may feel lower self-esteem when they do not always “have the right answer.” They may find that it feels harder to make friends, as few really ever want to be known as “nerds.”

So what is there to be done to help?

Believe it or not, one of the simplest things might be just having that “one good friend.” Helping to foster this and creating opportunities to explore these (e.g. clubs or team sports) may be one of the biggest elements that help students feel less isolated. Shared abilities and interests, as is true with all humans, are key to feeling less isolated.

Additionally, we can help students understand that mistakes are not disasters. This “growth mindset” is critical as it can help students realize that perfectionism tendencies can be reinterpreted as persistence that leads to success. Reducing the focus on perfectionism is critical because overwhelmed students may feel paralyzed by their circumstances—anxiety, avoidance, and withdrawal might then be the results. Adults can help by celebrating setbacks as learning opportunities.

I have written this article from the viewpoint of a teacher in a classroom. But keep in mind that the larger reach of this article is that of all higher ability individuals. From the workplace to school classrooms to home, you might be right next to someone who could use a hand or a word of encouragement.