8 Ways to Drink Less at a Gathering

For people in recovery from alcohol or drugs, the holidays can be an emotional minefield—for many reasons. In particular, get-togethers can be challenging. Stiff drinks seem to be a staple at December parties, whether those gatherings are formal or informal, personal or professional.

And for people who need or want to abstain from alcohol altogether, it’s crucial to have a support system in place and be mindful and realistic about how triggering these events can be. Especially when it may be the first in a long (pandemic-ridden) time they have found themselves in such a social situation.

However, there’s a whole additional category of people whose goal is not to abstain altogether but to cut down on drinking. Perhaps you just want to avoid a hangover or still cringe at some of the things you said at your last office party.

Maybe you are experimenting with a sober lifestyle without wanting to commit to it yet fully. Perhaps you want to make sure you are clear-headed enough to make a good impression on friends, coworkers, or your partner’s family. Or maybe you just want to have a non-blurry experience of the night to feel more present and engaged.

Whatever your reasons, if your goal is to drink less, or not at all, at a gathering this holiday season, here are some things to keep in mind that will help you make it happen.

Have a script.

The more you’ve created a plan in advance, the more quickly and smoothly you can decline a drink. This will minimize the pressure from someone determined to see you drinking and lessen the awkwardness of someone innocently assuming they should fill your glass.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but many people find it easier to decline if they have a stock response to turn to. From the simple “No, I’m going to stick with Sprite tonight, thanks” to a white lie about an early-morning appointment, script it out in advance so it will be a no-brainer.

Enlist an ally.

If there’s someone who will be there that you trust to respect your wishes, then telling them your plans and concerns in advance can be helpful. At worst, that’s one fewer person who may be pressuring you to drink. At best, they can help run interference, find you the best flavored sparkling water, and give you some positive reinforcement when you most need it.

Be festive in your substitutions.

Sometimes, it’s tempting to drink more alcohol because those drinks seem more celebratory and tasty than the alternative. Consider coming prepared with a special round of non-alcoholic drinks you’ll be excited about. Other sober attendees will thank you. Signature cocktails, expensive wines, cozy egg nog, and delicious punch can easily be more enticing than the lone sparkling water at the bottom of the cooler.

You can also get creative at the bar with your nonalcoholic drink by adding fruit or other mixers to make it more delicious. Some people even like to mimic the look of an alcoholic beverage, so their lack of drinking will be less likely to be commented upon.

Keep your hands occupied.

Even the best parties can have their awkward moments, and so many people gravitate toward refilling their drinks to have something to do. You might motor through your first alcoholic drink much more quickly because putting glass to mouth repeatedly feels less awkward than just standing there.

Give yourself something to do that doesn’t increase your temptation. Perhaps you get a nonalcoholic drink that you need to keep stirring or a coffee or hot chocolate so hot that it needs to be blown on every few minutes.

Some people chew gum to slow down their drinking. Compulsive snackers usually find this helpful as well. Most of all, keep that nonalcoholic drink as full as possible so that you won’t succumb to the temptation to have your empty glass filled with something stronger.

Notice your patterns.

Getting through a single party is one thing, but if you want to make long-term adjustments to your relationship with alcohol, it will be beneficial to notice what makes you more prone to drink versus less. This can help at the moment, too, as you observe your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. Are you more tempted to drink because you’re bored? Nervous? Lonely? Are there certain types of interactions that make you want to drink more? The more you know, the better you can plan.

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Cultivate the pause.

A beneficial concept for people in recovery is to “surf the urge,” a mindfulness technique that involves acknowledging your cravings and letting yourself feel them, trusting that they will pass–rather than being so frightened of them that they become your mental enemy.

Practice sitting with your feelings of social anxiety, nervousness, boredom, or frustration–and noticing what they bring up in you–without launching into autopilot with behavior like going for another drink. The more you can tolerate being in the moment, no matter what it will bring, the better able you will be to withstand the urge to numb or mask the feelings you don’t like.

Keep drinking water.

Let’s face it, sometimes people turn to beer or wine in part because they’re actually thirsty, and those drinks are the most readily available. Moreover, dehydration keeps us from feeling our best—and makes alcohol more likely to have negative effects if we do end up drinking it. Try to go heavy on water before the event. The less thirsty you are when arriving at the bowl of spiked punch, the more mindful and patient you can be in finding a good nonalcoholic drink instead.

Stick to your departure time.

People often have the best intentions at the start of a party and can stick with them for a while initially. But as the night gets looser and louder, their boundaries often fly out the window. If midnight seems reasonable as your leave time at the start of the party, be very careful that you don’t blow through that simply because of inertia.

Or if you really think you shouldn’t spend more than two hours at your work party, stick to it by whatever means you need. Of course, if you’re truly enjoying yourself in healthy ways, there’s nothing wrong with prolonging your stay—as long as you recognize that you are less likely to stick to your limits the later things go, and you go heavier on the tools above to counteract that.