Why Narcissists Will Laugh at You, but Never at Themselves

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A recent paper by Blasco-Belled et al., summarizing the findings of two studies, suggests people with vulnerable narcissism have a tendency both to fear being laughed at and to enjoy laughing at others. Published in the May issue of Personality and Individual Differences, the studies are described below. But first, some background information.

Grandiose narcissism and vulnerable narcissism

The word narcissism commonly refers to a personality trait reflecting a grandiose sense of self-worth—a sense of superiority and exaggerated feelings of self-importance.

Grandiose narcissism may be seen as a subtype of narcissism, with the other subtype being vulnerable narcissism.

Vulnerable narcissists, like grandiose narcissists, are self-absorbed, hostile (aggressively competitive, envious, jealous), and preoccupied with fantasies of power and greatness.

However, compared to grandiose narcissists, they have a greater tendency to be isolated, experience negative emotions—such as worry, defensiveness, distrust, and paranoia—and have low self-esteem (or fragile self-esteem). Indeed, vulnerable narcissists are sometimes called unhappy or neurotic narcissists.

Strategies vulnerable narcissists use to protect their fragile ego

Some research suggests vulnerable narcissism may have “two distinct but positively related” dimensions or strategies (called neurotic isolation and antagonistic enmity), both of which “serve a common goal of defending the fragile self from being harmed.”

Isolation, the “default strategy,” aims to prevent exposure and avoid shame. When this fails, the narcissist uses the strategy of Enmity to reduce feelings of shame and humiliation.

As described below, these two dimensions are associated with specific interpersonal processes (consequences in relation to others) and intrapersonal processes (consequences involving oneself).

• Isolation: inhibition and withdrawal from relationships (interpersonal); passive entitlement and rumination about others’ evaluations (intrapersonal).
• Enmity: spiteful passive-aggressiveness and the projection of hostility onto others (interpersonal); feeling envious and paranoid (intrapersonal).

See Figure 1.

Blasco-Belled et al. were interested in the relationship between these two aspects of vulnerable narcissism and dispositions toward laughter and ridicule—specifically, gelotophobia (“the fear of being laughed at”), gelotophilia (“the joy of being laughed at”), and katagelasticism (“the joy of laughing at others”).

Source: Arash Emamzadeh (adapted from Rogoza et al., 2022)

Investigating narcissism and dispositions towards laughter and ridicule

Study 1

Sample: 419 students (average age of 21 years old; 78 percent female)

Measures:

• Hypersensitive Narcissism Scale: Used to assess vulnerable narcissism. Example: “My feelings are easily hurt by ridicule or by the slighting remarks of others.”
• Phophikat-45: Assessed gelotophobia (“When they laugh in my presence I get suspicious”), gelotophilia (“I enjoy it if other people laugh at me”), and katagelasticism (“Some people set themselves up for one to make fun at them”).

Study 2

Sample: 211 British participants (average age of 40 years old; 49 percent female).

Measures:

• Phophikat-9: Same as the previous investigation, except with fewer items.
• The Vulnerable Isolation and Enmity Questionnaire: Measuring two dimensions of vulnerable narcissism, consisting of neurotic introversion (“I suffer because others do not try to understand what I need”) and neurotic antagonism (“When I’m in a group, other people purposely try to insult me”).

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Results

Correlation analyses were used to test the hypotheses. The results showed:

• Vulnerable narcissism was positively related to gelotophobia and katagelasticism.
• Neurotic antagonism (Enmity) was related to katagelasticism.
• When the shared variance of the two dimensions of neuroticism was removed, only Isolation had a positive association with gelotophobia.
• Enmity correlated more strongly with katagelasticism than isolation, and isolation was a negative predictor of katagelasticism.

Vulnerable narcissism and fear of being laughed at and joy of laughing at others

In short, the results from two studies suggest vulnerable narcissism is associated with fear of being laughed at and joy of laughing at others.

This makes sense because vulnerable narcissism is characterized by a sense of entitlement, self-absorption, fragile or low self-esteem, proneness to shame, hypersensitivity to rejection, defensiveness, hostility, paranoia, and social withdrawal. In fact, there is considerable overlap between vulnerable narcissism and the personality trait neuroticism.

Analysis of data also showed laughter and ridicule are associated with the two dimensions of vulnerable narcissism, isolation, and enmity. Isolation and enmity are (mostly unconscious) strategies vulnerable narcissists use to protect their low self-esteem and fragile sense of self.

Isolation (social withdrawal) reduces social exposure and thus the potential to experience feeling ignored, criticized, mocked, humiliated, or simply disappointed from not having one’s high expectations met.

If Isolation fails and the person is exposed to actual or imagined criticism and thus experiences negative emotions, the strategy of Enmity is used (fantasizing about revenge). The goal of this strategy is to reduce feelings of inadequacy and inferiority.

One would expect Isolation—the avoidance of social situations due to sensitivity to rejection—to be related to gelotophobia (the fear of being ridiculed). Indeed, analysis of data from the second study demonstrated Isolation was positively associated with gelotophobia.

Having a high fear of being laughed at, of course, is problematic. For instance, it is associated with negative outcomes such as reduced relationship satisfaction, especially in romantic relationships. Why?

Perhaps because, to prevent their fears from being realized, these sensitive individuals avoid intimacy and situations that require vulnerability.

But to feel supported in a romantic relationship, it is necessary to allow oneself to feel vulnerable sometimes. Avoiding intimacy is not a healthy strategy.

Analysis of data additionally indicated that the other dimension of vulnerable narcissism, enmity, correlated with katagelasticism (the pleasure of laughing at others).

Of course, the enjoyment of laughing at others is seen not only in individuals high in narcissism but also in other dark personality traits such as psychopathy and Machiavellianism.

Needless to say, enjoying laughing at others and mocking them can cause problems in a romantic relationship because such behavior may reflect a lack of sensitivity and empathy.

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