Setting SMART Goals in Your Relationship

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Many couples set relationship-related goals to strengthen their bond. As change happens gradually and sometimes imperceptibly, pursuing a long-term, overarching relationship goal can seem daunting, and the path toward achieving this may be unclear. By setting SMART goals, you and your partner can break up and clarify your relationship-building endeavor and assist you in tracking your progress.

George Doran initially laid out the guidelines for SMART goals in a 1981 management article. SMART goals are:

• Specific- they target one area; broad or general goals are avoided
• Measurable- they are quantifiable so that you can monitor progress
• Attainable/Achievable- they can be tailored/individualized
• Realistic- they can be achieved in real life
• Time-based- they can be accomplished in a specified period of time, which helps to maintain focus

Let’s break this down and relate SMART goals to relationships. Take for example a hypothetical couple: Brenda and Sharon. Their overarching goal is to spend more quality time together, which is a pretty vague goal. The goal includes no details or parameters. Additionally, there is no clear path by which they can achieve it. They may each have different ideas of what quality time is and how it can be accomplished, which can lead to miscommunication, and eventually cause them to toss the goal out completely. Rather than enhancing their partnership, it could lead to disagreements about how to best achieve the goal.

Instead, they can set the SMART goal of spending time together after dinner once a week without distractions (i.e., TV, phone, etc.). They begin with the goal of one time per week so that they can start small, assess the ease with which this goal can be accomplished, and eventually build up to more evenings spent together. Getting even more specific, they decide that one hour will be blocked off so they can focus on having deep and meaningful conversations without anything else interfering. They can implement this goal whenever they choose and can check in after a predetermined interval of time to adjust the time/frequency as necessary.

This may seem like a lot of work to improve quality time, but Brenda and Sharon are setting themselves up for success. By being clear about what they want, how they plan to achieve their goal, and how they can measure it, they are both on the same page. Additionally, they have created a path to creating a better and stronger connection.