Are Rebound Relationships Always Doomed?

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I recently heard someone discuss their new partner as a bad pancake. I instantly knew what they were referring to, even without the help of Urban Dictionary. Being a fan of cooking a large breakfast on the weekends, I have attempted pancakes on many occasions. I don’t even figure my first batch into the equation when contemplating how much batter I should prepare. These pancakes will get discarded, it’s inevitable. They will either stick to the pan because I didn’t use enough butter, and wind up a wrinkled blob, or they will become a burnt mess. However, once these bad pancakes are out of the way, I know that I will soon have the perfect batch.

In relating this to dating, the common belief is that the first person who arrives after a long-term relationship is essentially the throw-away relationship or the bad pancake. In my day, we referred to this person as a rebound, but this new term certainly gives it a fun and vivid twist.

Is there any truth to this? Are rebound relationships truly less satisfying? Must we always run the risk of discarding the first partner after a long-term relationship? Can the first pancake ever be satisfying?

What the Research Says

Rebound relationships are often thought to be transitional, and occurring at a time in which the person has not yet resolved his/her feelings from his/her last romantic entanglement. While this commonly held belief about rebound relationships has also been depicted this way in the media, there is little empirical research on them.

Brumbaugh and Fraley (2015) examined data from a longitudinal study focusing on attachment in romantic relationships. Using a subset of 27 university students who were in a relationship following their breakup, the researchers found that those who were single for a shorter period of time reported higher levels of well-being, self-esteem, and trust. In addition, while those who were single for a shorter period of time reported a greater degree of contact with their former partners, they did not indicate residual feelings toward them. Regarding their new relationships, those who started them with less downtime reported a greater level of respect for their new partner. However, they also compared their new partner to their former partner to a greater degree (Brumbaugh & Fraley, 2015). A limitation is the small sample size used in this study.

The researchers’ second experiment consisted of 264 students, of which 137 were single at the time of the study, and 124 who were involved in romantic relationships. As in study one, the researchers found that within the sample of those who were in a new relationship, those who were single for a shorter period of time had a higher level of well-being and reported greater self-esteem. Those who were single for a shorter period of time were also less avoidant and anxious, thus showing a relationship between a shorter period of time spent single and attachment security.

Taken together, the findings from the two studies suggest that those who quickly move to a new relationship are no worse off than those who wait longer before beginning another romantic relationship. This goes against the belief commonly held about rebound relationships. Perhaps we shouldn’t be so quick to judge rebounds. Being that research has demonstrated a relationship between spending less time single and well-being, the bad pancake may not be that bad after all.

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