The 7 Biggest Deal-Breakers in Relationships

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A relationship deal-breaker (sometimes written as dealbreaker or deal breaker) is a negative trait or behavior in a person that outweighs their positive traits. More generally, whatever causes a relationship to be terminated is a deal-breaker. For example, having drug problems, anger issues, poor personal hygiene, or sexually transmitted diseases, or generally being bad in bed, may be considered deal-breakers.

In contrast to a deal-breaker, whatever desirable characteristic outweighs a partner's negative ones and increases the likelihood of forming a relationship can be called a deal-maker (sometimes written as dealmaker or deal maker). For instance, being rich, handsome/beautiful, generous, smart, respectful, or having a prestigious occupation are potential deal-makers.

Recent research by Csajbók and Berkics, published in the February issue of Personality and Individual Differences, suggests there are seven primary dealbreaker factors. The authors label these factors as Abusive, Arrogant, Clingy, Filthy, Hostile, Unambitious, and Unattractive.

The sections below summarize this research and its findings.

Investigating relationship deal-breakers

Study 1

Sample: 155 Hungarians (43 male); heterosexual; average age of 22 (range of 18 to 45).

Methods: Participants were asked to list dealbreakers for both short-term and long-term relationships.

Study 2

Sample: 2445 Hungarians, 52% male; heterosexual; average age of 23 (range of 18 to 45); 34% were university students and 31% had completed secondary school education.

Methods: Participants rated the characteristics from the first investigation. They then completed the Mate Value Scale, the Rosenberg self-esteem scale, and the revised sociosexual orientation scale. And they rated themselves on a list of deal-maker characteristics obtained from previous research: Attractiveness, Dominance, Intellect, Passion, Stability, Status, and Warmth.

Study 3

Sample: 1175 Hungarians (57% women); heterosexual; average age of 23 (range of 18 to 45); 51% with secondary education and 44% with higher education; 57% in a long-term relationship and 10% in a short-term relationship.

Methods: Participants were asked to imagine that an “artificial intelligence is allocating a partner for everybody; however, people also have a say in what kind of partner they want, by allocating their assigned budgets to various traits expressing their preferences for a long-term partner.” There were four versions of this activity: low vs. high budget, and with seven deal-makers vs. seven deal-breakers. Participants aimed to spend wisely, meaning avoiding bad traits (deal-breakers) and picking good traits (deal-makers).

Study 4

Sample: 442 Hungarians (30% male); heterosexual; average age of 25 (range of 18 to 45); 49% of the sample with some high school education; 63% in a long-term relationship and 10% in a short-term relationship; 42% interested in a casual relationship.

Methods: Participants were asked to rank seven deal-makers and seven deal-breakers, according to their importance. Again, they were presented with a cover story involving artificial intelligence selecting long-term romantic partners for them. Part of what they read included, “Dear Human, I found a suitable partner for you. You have to decide whether you accept this partner for a long-term relationship....You can ask how much the following 14 characteristics are fitting to this candidate.” Because answering all their questions may not be possible, the artificial intelligence added, the person should carefully consider the order in which they ask questions. And the questions were to be formulated in the following way: How egotistical [loving, caring, opinionated, unfriendly, etc.] is this person?”

This ranking task was repeated twice more: One involved the AI predicting the future (how the partner will likely change in 10 years). The second, given to those interested in casual relationships, involved a “partner with whom they could spend a romantic weekend somewhere far away.”

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Deal breakers and their association with sex and duration of the relationship

Here are the results: Of a list of characteristics considered deal-breakers, 96 most commonly mentioned ones were chosen. Subsequently, factor analyses extracted seven deal-breaker factors: Abusive, Arrogant, Clingy, Filthy, Hostile, Unambitious, and Unattractive.

Then, using a budget allocation method, the next investigation examined which deal-makers and deal-breakers are “necessities,” or most important factors, and which are “luxuries,” or factors that matter but are not essential.

For men, the biggest “necessities” in deal-breakers were avoiding Unattractive and Filthy, regardless of relationship duration.

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In terms of deal-makers in long-term relationships, Attractive, Intelligent, and Warm received the most scores; and for short-term relationships, Attractive and Passionate.

For women, deal-breakers in long-term relationships were Abusive and Filthy; and for short-term relationships, the same two, plus Unattractive.

As for deal-makers, Intelligent and Warm were most highly rated for long-term relationships; and Attractive and Passionate for short-term relationships.

The last investigation examined which type of characteristics (i.e. undesirable or undesirable) were more important in a long-term romantic partner. It found, in contrast to previous research, that desirable characteristics mattered more than undesirable ones. So deal-makers mattered more than deal-breakers.

Takeaway

Research by Berkics and Csajbók suggests that the most common deal-breaker factors consist of the following seven: Abusive, Arrogant, Clingy, Filthy, Hostile, Unambitious, and Unattractive.

Furthermore, there are differences between men and women in terms of the importance of the deal-breakers:

For men

• The biggest long-term relationship dealbreaker: Filthy
• The least important long-term relationship dealbreaker: Clingy
• The biggest short-term relationship dealbreaker: Filthy
• The least significant short-term relationship dealbreaker: Unambitious

For women

• The biggest long-term relationship dealbreakers: Filthy and Abusive
• The least significant long-term relationship dealbreaker: Clingy
• The biggest short-term relationship dealbreaker: Filthy
• The least important short-term relationship dealbreakers: Arrogant, Clingy, or Unambitious.

So, poor personal hygiene and abusive behaviors are among the biggest deal-breakers. Being needy and clingy, in comparison, matter little.

Do these results make sense to you? Keep in mind that the research above involved Hungarian participants between the ages of 18 and 45, so the generalizability of the results is limited. Nevertheless, these findings shed light on what some men and women might desire or detest in a potential mate.

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