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Loss aversion is one of the most important concepts in behavioral economics. It refers to the fact that we care more about losses than about gains when we make decisions. "Losses loom greater than gains" is how Daniel Kahneman and Amos Twersky put it in their well known paper arguing that much of our financial behavior is driven by this behavioral force.
But recent studies by social psychologists show that loss aversion also strongly influences our romantic decisions and our choice of partner. These studies indicate that rather than looking for particular traits that we hold important in a partner, we are trying to detect "deal breakers" during our search for a partner. Put differently, rather than searching for the "prince" in a potential partner we search for the assurance that there is no "frog" hiding there. When asked about these deal breakers women seem to be more picky than men. This is hardly a surprise as women are the side of the partnership that puts more effort when it comes to creating offspring, and their careful choice reflects the asymmetric role men and women play in this process.
At the top of the list as deal breaker for both genders are a disheveled and lazy partner. Low sex drive is more frequently a deal breaker for men than for women, but women show more concern about "bad sex" than men. Finally, and quite surprisingly, being "too quiet" was ranked at the bottom of the list, and even women are more concerned about men who "talk too much" than those who are too quiet.
Loss aversion is strongly connected to regret and on financial decisions it almost always comes with another behavioral phenomenon which I call "fear of regret". Because we are concerned more about losses than about gains we often prefer to remain with the status quo even when leaving it means a huge potential gain. Loss aversion in our romantic decisions can therefore mean avoiding to start a relationship because of the fear of regret. To protect ourselves from this fear it would help to get some objective advice from a friend or a relative. Are we declining the date opportunity because of a deal breaker of a potential partner or because we fear regret?
